Depression's topics - tribe.net

Happy Noo Yeers

2010-01-01T20:07:21Z

Peace, happiness, delirious prosperity
and auccess
to all

Jolon-Tru'
(for those who speak that language)

posted in Depression - 3 replies

Halloween for Christmas

2010-01-01T02:24:38Z

Halloween for Christmas

For all of those who find Christmas as depressing as I do I'd like to wish you all a Marry Halloween, and a Happy Easter!

Patrick

posted in Depression - 6 replies

Happy Holidays! Check In for Deco20-28

2010-01-01T01:36:16Z

Whether or not you'll
be online, whether or not
you'll be celebrating ( I wont)
the holidays;
Happy holidays to you and yours!
Pace, happiness (no depression)
lots of success to you all.

Jolon-Tru'

posted in Depression - 16 replies

Really wanting to hurt myself

2009-12-31T17:32:54Z

I asked for reassurance from my bf (we talked about me needing to...and it was very hard to do so)...and since he was manic the answer I got was "You don't completely get on my nerves." Naturally that made me feel pretty terrible, so I laughed instead of crying, then ended up having to reassure him that I wasn't criticizing what he said. So, yeah...kinda feeling right now like my feelings don't matter at all. I don't know how personally to take it. The things he says sometimes are not so nice...not abusive or anything, just kind of unkind when I need support. I know he told me he wouldn't be able to be there for me sometimes...I guess I just didn't know how terrible it would feel. It's doing a number on my self-esteem. I love him, but I wonder how healthy this really is sometimes. I once asked him if he thought the positives outweighed the negatives, but didn't get a response at the time. I don't know what the answer is.

posted in Depression - 9 replies

Accupuncture 4 Depression

2009-12-30T20:51:08Z

http://www.alternativesmagazine.com/47/walton.html

Interesting article.
Personally I have no opinion on this. Curious to know what you think.

posted in Depression - 8 replies

Gone for to long!

2009-12-20T07:52:47Z

Just wanted to drop in and say hello. I have been away from tribe a long time. This was one of my tribes i came by for support alot. I didn't post much at all but i did read alot of the post and was able to find help and comfort from all you lovely people. I hope everyone is doing ok. I know what its like to live with this ugly thing we call depression so i know its not easy for anyone.For me it has been a really long and hard battle lately. I just found out i have cervical cancer a few weeks ago and i'm really having a hard time dealing with it. We just moved to a new town so i'm really isolated. I'm hoping to reconnect with people here. I know we all are having a hard time but i just wanted to reach out for a little encouragement. Thanks you. Take care all

posted in Depression - 5 replies

Check-in Deco 13-20

2009-12-20T02:50:56Z

*sigh*
why can't life be perfect?

finally got down to the SS office to get some stuff dealt with...
more paperwork...
some anxiety about my future, and
having to write letters trying again to get
some long outstanding issues resolved....
trying to outwit the weather....
need money...
have to send out gifts soon...

posted in Depression - 6 replies

Feeling Sad and Lonely Today...

2009-12-16T07:26:19Z

Dunno why, just am. Perhaps activity will pick me up!

posted in Depression - 11 replies

Shoulding on myself

2009-12-16T03:46:31Z

I've been shoulding on myself. You know, I should do this or I should do this. Just keep telling myself without moving untill the should do turn to the should have. Which of course leads to the worst shoulds of all, I should be. I should be stronger, more determent, more reliable. more ect. and so on.
Before you know it I'm sitting waist deep in shoulds and self pity. Which is a place I really shouldn't be!

Patrick

posted in Depression - 2 replies

Not doing well

2009-12-14T20:05:10Z

I have a psych. appointment today though...at 4, so hopefully I can be up and going by then. I managed to get to the computer and drink some water...and hell, move in the first place. Realized I am not in a stable enough place to have a relationship (apparently) so maybe the doctor can help me work through some of that stuff. I don't want to die, at least...just feel like a big disappointment.

posted in Depression - 7 replies

Dealin' w/the dark, dealin' w/the cold?

2009-12-10T19:49:33Z

I moved into this nice little apartment on the 1st floor (no one above my bedroom, yay!) in the middle of some godawful heat last summer. I didn't have a whole lot of time to take lookin' for a place, but this place seemed nice enough. What I liked most about it was that despite the heat, it was really nice and cool inside. I had been living in a 2 story condo (BR's upstairs) with a NW exposure that would get hammered by the heat all summer, so I was really looking forward to not having A/C and leaving windows open.

Fast forward to this gdfn cold (24 out right now! brrrr!), and since I don't have central heat, it's colder than a you-know-what in a you-know-what. Not only that, it's dark in here all day long. I have space heaters, but I just can't crank 'em up at will.

So what do you do to deal with the dark and the cold? I've lived with space heaters before (and a fireplace, but not a wood stove), but that was on a 2nd floor. And I've lived in a sort of basement studio before, but that landlord kept the heat turned up. This is the 1st time I've ever been tag-teamed like this before.

posted in Depression - 9 replies

On Gratitude

2009-12-09T01:24:13Z

Happy Thanksgiving, all.

I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing so much of yourselves with me. It's been a difficult year for me, as for so many of us, and having your support and sharing our struggles has meant so much to me. You have allowed me, indeed all of us, into intimate, sometimes painful places in your lives, and I just want to say how much I respect, value and honor that. You are the bravest people I have ever known. Day after day, pain after pain, you keep coming here and sharing your hopes, dreams, disappointments, ideas, and experiences with a bunch of people who share your struggles at a very deep level. You ARE strong, you ARE resilient, you ARE survivors - and I thank you all, and love you all very much. You have so enriched my life.

Love, always,

Mother Darla

posted in Depression - 8 replies

Bipolar beloved

2009-12-09T01:23:02Z

Anyone else deal with a loved one who is bipolar? I'm looking for any insights, advice, or whatever else that people may have to give. Thank God my sweetheart recognizes his symptoms, much of the time, and knows where they come from! It helps a little in dealing with the stuff he goes through. And, for me, remembering that his sometimes outrageous behavior is not personal or intentional helps me to stay more objective.

Any advice on how to deal with him most supportively or how to best support myself through the sudden, enormous swings would be so much appreciated!

posted in Depression - 6 replies

Deco5-Deco12 Check In

2009-12-08T20:39:21Z

Next week will be pouring cats & dogs here in SF Bay...
and I have to go out in that mess 3 times.
UGH!

Hopefully, things will run smoothly this week.

Plans, weather ...in YOUR universe??

posted in Depression - 18 replies

Dating Depression - An Update

2009-12-08T20:27:49Z

Some of you may remember me rambling on about the guy I was dating who stood me up twice and treated me poorly. I worried and carried on about how I would ‘break it to him’ that I have depression etc. ect. Well… here, I found outthat the guy is MARRIED.. with KIDS. Depression is hard enough, depression and dating is… well, even worse.

Since I’m down on myself anyway… it seems that I put up with more ‘bad treatment’ than most people probably would. (Getting stood up, getting ignored, having guys not call me back).

If you’re curious… YES, I left him as soon as I found out. Interestingly enough…. His profile vanished from the website in which I met him.

posted in Depression - 29 replies

Check in for Nov29-Deco6

2009-12-07T03:00:46Z

bein' eaten alive by bugs...
hangin' in, though my fingernails tire...
still here....
freez'n to death out there, eben with my new jacket...
which already has a rip...BLAST!
need ca$h...

what about your world?
let's start talkin' this week!!

posted in Depression - 10 replies

Effexor

2009-12-04T05:07:43Z

Anyone take 75 or 150 mg?

posted in Depression - 10 replies

Alternative methods:

2009-11-27T19:07:21Z

- Self-medication
- Nutrition
- Naturopathy
- Meditation/yoga/exercise
- Light therapy
- Bio-feedback
- Lifestyle changes

What does everyone think about these and other alternatives to “modern” (conventionally accepted) forms of medicine? (i.e. medication and psychotherapy)

So, what else have you tried and how has that worked for you?

posted in Depression - 17 replies

Dangerous neighborhood

2009-11-26T20:05:59Z

After having read Rachel's posting an then Darla's quick response about going to a Doctor, it got me thinking about what an AA friend once told me. The mind of a Depressant is a dangerous neighborhood, don't go in there alone.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 10 replies

I want to live

2009-11-25T02:38:59Z

but not like this! Celexa, why are you not working? Dad, why did you ruin all my chances of having a healthy relationship?

posted in Depression - 15 replies

causes for "affective disorders"

2009-11-24T18:00:19Z

What causes us to get into bad moods?

I cannot speculate on the neuro-chemical causes, because that isn't very well understood yet. We can talk about it subjectively though. Perhaps there are ways, psychologically, to avoid it or handle it better when it happens.

I know for fact that, the areas of the brain responsible for experiencing emotion is heavily interconnected with the cerebral cortex and pre-cortical regions, which process higher brain functions, such as meaning, conscious thought and perception.

In other words we have the ability to interpret and give meaning to our emotions, and to inhibit or direct them to their proper resolution.

I've found, personally, that facing important unresolved issues in my life can bring on a bad mood, a sense of despair, of not knowing how to deal with it. I guess that could be called anxiety, which can lead to depression, and a sense of helplessness. In such a state one is not able to resolve anything and the issue persists.

I don't think I am alone in this, but perhaps talking about it would help.

My question is this - is there a way to face the issue and continuously try to resolve it, but without the often crippling anxiety that has become associated with it?

The issue is not important here, it could be anything and will be different for each person.

Some methods I've read about:

- one is becoming aware of the body, by tapping your feet or breathing, to calm oneself and be more rational.

- another was imagining some kind of a container or box to keep the issue safe at the moment, until a later time when it could be resolved or worked on. The important thing here is not to ignore the problem, just put it aside consciously until you can get back to it.

The problem is, we don’t want to get back to something that is unpleasant, but how else can it be resolved.

Thirdly and finally, I don’t know if this will help anyone else – I find that consuming caffeine, even very little, totally throws me off balance. I get hyper excited, happy, jumping around, and then crash 4 hours later when it wears off, feeling quite tired and in a dark mood.

Lately I gave up black tea, something I would have 2-3 times a day, and I don’t drink coffee at all. I found that I slept better, started feeling more energetic naturally and consistently. Today I had some English breakfast tea and I noticed its effect.
So, no more caffeine for me.

posted in Depression - 14 replies

SIGH. Check in for Nov 21-28

2009-11-24T03:55:03Z

managed to make it thru another week
with difficulty, but made it.

no holiday for me this year;
how about you?

Looking foreward to spending time with friends?
family-visits or no? Family visit bring up bad stuff but you
go anyway; or do you just skip it? (or bring a flamethrower and
be 'done with them once an' fer all!)

Rachel's going thru an especially rough-patch;
let's send HUGZ and good vibes her way with support !

posted in Depression - 2 replies

Hangin' in: Check in for Nov13-20

2009-11-22T05:11:22Z

Hangin' in: once a canadian show about mental health
Claw'n to survive, hangin' by fingernails....;
but still hangin' in.

How about you?

posted in Depression - 9 replies

pain

2009-11-20T05:45:23Z

I hurt so much... i am so unlovable and can't do anything right, so say those around me. My meds do nothing... my leg looks ... terrible because of what i did.

How can you support yourself when no one around you can help? How long am i supposed to hold out for my medicinal cocktail to work? Is smiling every an option?

posted in Depression - 20 replies

Check in for Nov 8-16

2009-11-20T04:20:02Z

I was in contact with some acrid, toxic
fumes from ????
and my eyes have been alternately watering,
dry and irritated, swollen shut,
and my sinuses are like a great damn,
holding back tremendous pressure, no matter how
hard I blow.
(I'm thinking about renting an air-compressor and setting it
to...oh, about 400psi and seeing if that will work...)

I know, it's not mental health...
but it's what has been going on this week for me,
besides money problems.

Oh the bright side, my new counselor seems
nice, even though it's still a little early to guage her
personality.

What's up in YOUR universe?

posted in Depression - 27 replies

Triggers

2009-11-20T04:14:43Z

There is often a mention of triggers & I am currently in a triggered depression zone, it's been a week of weepiness but today is my first depressed day in a long while (I am so grateful for the knowledge this state is flippant and should leave me if I take care of myself).

I am very well aware that this trigger is because of being overwhelmed, scheduling too much in my life & not realizing that my energy can't keep up to my mind. As a juggler, I have been performing and it's great ! It's "the dream" and all, but I am finding performing to be a huge trigger! (Go figure) It's such an emotional roller coaster and it's always hard to plan my energy levels around it. I did 4 gigs in the last 2 weeks (at $100/ hour!) and I'm paying for this extended use of energy.

Going to school, taking care of an 18 year old (who's striving to be independent & doing good at it)& the house, mediating my relationship, working, performing, training juggling.... it's all VERY high functioning, and I was able to handle it until about last Wednesday, but here I am now in the crash and burn phase.

Today, I can't get rid of the image of bashing my head in with a hammer, which is the newest of my self inflicted violent fantasies (Thanks Dexter). This happened SPECIFICALLY because I took on too much. That is my trigger (My doc says I show no sign of Manic behavior, btw).

I have other triggers like authority and currently what I am learning in social work triggers me (wholy fuck the world is fucked). some triggers I don't know, but this particular cycle is clear. Does anyone else have a clear cycle they go through? Specific triggers that start the downward spiral?

I was just curious because sometimes if someone points out their own cycle, I recognize parts of it in my own behaviour, and it helps me see the cycle more for what it really is!

posted in Depression - 16 replies

face book working Damn it!

2009-11-19T06:23:38Z

Just got a email from an old girl friend. Just a short affair years back. We us to keep up as friends after she got married and so did I. She found me on facebook. Wanted to say hi. She has a family, and home, is witting, all the things I've failed out. I'm happy for her, but I don't want to see your. Not while I'm living a life I hate. Not while I hate myself so very very much.
Sometimes I feel as if all my old friends have left me, and true many of them have. But it's me too. I don't want them to see me like this. I know how the Black Dog attacks the people who try to care about you. How in the end they have to run away to save themselves. I would want to put an enemy thought that, let alone a friend.
So I try to find a job, try to write, try to give myself something to offer other than the black killer dog show. But I'm a 55 year old loser with a crappy work history and no car. No one as the time or energy, they've more emporten thing to do. Will get back to me when they find some spare time. Oh how the Black Dog laughs at me when I try to loss his grip.

posted in Depression - 3 replies

Need Moral SUpport.

2009-11-16T20:39:42Z

Well, I just got off the phone with my dad.
I asked if he could give me a little money so
I can buy food over the next few days, and he went on his
usual tieraid/speil, only much angerier than usual,
and made me feeling pretty suicidal in a remarkably short time-
less than 5 minutes.
I really don't think he listens to himself when he goes off on me;
I can't believe someone would purposely spout the kinds of
things he says with full awareness of their actions/words.

So.
I'm feeling rather exceptionally sucidal right now, and, given
my past experiences, it's unlikly I'd call for 'help'
I have *MAJOR* neurosies about people being 'nice' to me,
but any mild kind words would be appreciated.

posted in Depression - 20 replies

Motivation

2009-11-13T04:15:01Z

Hello all. Sorry if this seems like a rant (again). If anyone can relate to this - I'd feel so much less...alone.

Lately, I've been neglecting so many things and putting off chores and such (I used to be a neat freak, not anymore lol). I really have to push myself to even do the dishes/laundry/grocery shopping lately. All I do is work... that's about it. I feel really tired.

This weekend has pretty much been a do-nothing, watch movies kinda weekend. I've been forgetting to take my depression/anxiety meds (a lot)... so I wonder if that has anything to do with it. ...the fact that I got stood-up for a date also didn't help.

Ugh I feel alone... but yet... I can't force myself to do anything about it.

posted in Depression - 12 replies

mixed state hell

2009-11-12T22:21:09Z

Talking to a new guy, so the panic of "oh crap what if I fall for him and it's not mutual" has triggered me. He's bipolar so he understands which is freaking awesome, but also we both have a high level of insecurity so trying not to set each other off is another thing. I love complicated people, so if he's willing to have patience so am I. I hate the knee-jerk pavlovian response of pushing someone away. I know he's interested but I don't know HOW interested, and I feel I might be faster to fall in love and I'm afraid to be in that position.

Now that I've finally found a label for this "losing my mind" angry/irritable/depressed/hyper mode, I still don't know how to deal with it. Given that no one will believe I'm bipolar, and it wouldn't matter anyway because the only mood stabilizer I can afford is lithium and I've heard too many bad stories about it...what are some cognitive ways to deal with it? Anyone have any good tips or links? Xanax helps greatly but there's got to be something other than benzos. Blah! I'm going to ask this new guy when he's up as well. Sadly he passed out in the middle of my turmoil, but I understand because he hasn't slept in a few days.

I hope this made sense! At least I got my work done today, AND my classes are cancelled tomorrow because of flooding! Yay for living on the coast! Well, no, not when the flooding does damage...so nevermind. Just glad I get an extension on a paper. Selfish huh? :-/

posted in Depression - 1 reply

The Legacy of Shame

2009-11-12T22:18:52Z

I read this with great sadness today - soccer great Robert Enke, of Germany, has died as a result of suicide.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jCDzVDdQE0mqdW_i9j1cenVuWhWAD9BTHQCG0

This both saddens me and angers me - how many more people have to die before we can talk about this? And I am pointing a big finger at myself as well. I don't talk about it except with my mental health professionals, people on this tribe and my husband. My friends don't know. My work associates didn't know. I don't have the conscious feeling of shame, but I am afraid of the fallout from telling people I have depression. Even when I refer to myself as mentally ill, it make ME, not to mention my husband, uncomfortable. How can we change this? Will we ever? It is even realistic to think that we can?

My last questions are not necessarily fatalistic, nor do they need an answer. I just have to put them out there as I see this family, now fractured, never to be "okay" again, go on, another casualty to the demon we know as mental illness.

Unfortunately, it's appetite is insatiable.

posted in Depression - 4 replies

Embarrassed About Depression... and other random nonsence

2009-11-12T22:11:15Z

Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, ADD and Insomnia..

Can I just take one - a’ la carte, please? I really don't need the whole smorgasbord!

Been sick with a flu-like illness over the past few days... I think illness manifests itself when I'm at my lowest point. However, been remembering to take my depression/anxiety meds on a more regular basis, which I think is helping. I still feel like an unemotional zombie when I'm on them. (Like, I can't cry for some reason... I don't know why I would want to cry... but I just CAN'T... it's so strange).

I'm pretty embarrassed (almost ashamed) to talk about depression anywhere but on this website... although, family members have been asking if I'm OK. I always deny any inclination of depression.

So... yeah, anyway.... I'm dating this new guy and we seem to get along well..... now. Unfortunately, I'm scared that I'll have to 'fess-up' to any 'psychological' issues SOMEWHERE down the line. He's already told me that he doesn't like the idea of Rx medications... and prefers the homeopathic route for health management (CLASH!!!). I don't know how I'd even begin to explain things.... or, then there's just the option of keeping it a secret forever...
So... yeah, anyway.... I'm dating this new guy and we seem to get along well..... now. Unfortunately, I'm scared that I'll have to 'fess-up' to any 'phycological' issues SOMEWHERE down the line. He's already told me that he doesn't like the idea of Rx medications... and prefers the homeopathic route for health managment (CLASH!!!). I don't know how I'd even begin to explain things.... or, then there's just the option of keeping it a secret forever...

posted in Depression - 5 replies

Mixed state maybe?

2009-11-10T15:51:19Z

I'm kind of a mess. Today was good, did Habitat with my grad program, and had a great time. But tonight I'm falling apart, getting angry/lonely/longing for both someone I loved, and someone I just have a crush on. What is going on? I'm losing my mind. It'll come back in the morning. What triggered this? Usually people seem to know...I have no idea. Damn, I wish there was a way to not do any damage. I feel like a werewolf that needs to be strapped down at the full moon, except I have no idea when it is (apparently it's waning gibbous now, so I guess that's not it).

I'm not diagnosed as bipolar but I swear to god I must have it. Who cares if the episodes don't last for 4 days? Someone described a mixed state and maybe this is what happens to me when I'm not just depressed, I'm having racing crazy thoughts AND they're all negative, then loving and euphoric, etc. It is definitely not cool.

Ugh...it's okay. At least I don't want to die or anything. I have methods in my car, from a week ago, but haven't had thoughts about using it at all. I just can't bring myself to get rid of it. :-/

I hope I'm not overposting. There is really nowhere else to say this stuff. I can't vent this to non-crazy friends, and I'm always worried about catching the crazy friends at the wrong time and making a bad day for them worse. Hard to know when it's okay to talk about. Thank god for the internet...even though it's caused me troubles before, I think it's done more good than harm.

I miss Ambien. I can't take that shit, I'd just be suicidal tomorrow, but this is the kind of place I get into where I want to take it because it would make me feel like all is well with the world and I am full of unconditional love for humanity. Sigh...I'll just pray.

posted in Depression - 8 replies

The "depression help" tribe

2009-11-08T19:14:51Z

Is anyone else annoyed by that one? It's fine if you hate pharms, but if you really can handle things with st. johns wort, then maybe you shouldn't really be referring to it the same way as major depressive disorder or bipolar.

Just a random vent...I'm in a bad mood. Sorry.

posted in Depression - 5 replies

Buspar

2009-11-08T04:50:18Z

Has anyone been on it? My new doctor (WHY do I always have to switch for one reason or another?!) wants to put me on Buspar to help with anxiety (I take Celexa already). I'll try it, because it's $4, so what the hell - but I really doubt it's going to help, because no antidepressant helps the anxiety. But this clinic apparently doesn't prescribe benzos at ALL, so they won't renew my xanax.. I've never heard of that. I understand not taking it every day, and I don't want to have to, but that is what happens because Xanax is all that helps me focus. I'm going to be irritated if they get rid of that and the Buspar does nothing...

posted in Depression - 1 reply

Was disappointed to wake up today.

2009-11-08T04:46:05Z

I'm not suicidal, but I also don't want to do anything right now, and I don't like anything in my life today. I am isolating myself because everyone's making me angry for little things, so I've holed up in my room. I want to do my school work, but so far haven't be able to concentrate. Been on Celexa for just over a week now, and off Efffexor for a few days...feeling like crap, but at least I don't actively want to die. I guess that's something. At least my psychiatrist gave me a compliment yesterday...he said that I'm able to keep getting pretty good grades despite the difficulties I have shows that I have something more than most of my colleagues. It was nice to get that validation.

posted in Depression - 15 replies

New Week /New Check in. Nov1-8

2009-11-08T04:35:41Z

Plans? Hopes? Gripes?
Challenges?

I'm hoping grown people will start acting like
adults and do their job. I know; but they
can't bury their heads forever.
I'm ready to raise the stakes and go to a higher supervisor.

My back is doing better; my wallet is thinner;
emotionally I'm stressed but stable.

posted in Depression - 9 replies

Article about "Failing Well"

2009-11-08T04:31:18Z

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200905/weathering-the-storm

My friend sends me her real copy of this mag when she's done with it, but I found the link to share.

I really liked this...if you don't want to read the whole case-story thing, check out the 9 tips at the end. I thought they were really great, so I'm hanging them up on my wall. :-)

posted in Depression - 1 reply

Happy Halloween Everyone

2009-11-04T19:22:37Z

I watched "Coraline" on DVD as a holiday treat.

posted in Depression - 3 replies

Not again

2009-11-04T04:22:49Z

Went to see my new Doctor today. All about "think depressed and you will be depressed". God I've heard that song and dance so many times now. I really wanted to tell him to go to Hell, but I need him to say I'm crazy so that I can get my SSDI. I know me, and as long as I am in the same cernstandes my brain will keep putting me in the same emotional space. Trying to reprogram my thought posets will only make me frustraighted and even more depressed. I felt like saying, "Oh Goss Doctor, it's all in my head. Why in 40 years of treatment have I never thought of that before?" God just sitting here trying to write this and watching my D mess up every fith word and I know that my emotions are because of my problem not my problem because of my emotions!
Well anyway it's done and my med are all prescript again. So it's forwards and onwards.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 7 replies

New week Old challenges? Check in Oct 10-18

2009-10-30T05:45:56Z

Mama D: How are you feeling?
Has anything improved?

Ron: How are the tootsies?

My back/leg problem comes and goes;
just went to the chiro thursday - some improvement....
taking way too many advil
had to get up at ungodly hour on tuesday,
took 3 days to recover..sick to my stomach for most of it....
feeling better now....
depression seems to be returning in spite of meds...
some disappointment, some irresponsibility.....
hang'n in...

posted in Depression - 14 replies

Is it Peace or is it Prozac?

2009-10-29T01:22:27Z

Cheryl Wheeler:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3HrP6P5xRg

posted in Depression - 0 replies

Making it through the week

2009-10-28T21:54:17Z

That is the biggest thought I can handle right now. Then I can go to the doctor, and get more xanax, and will be able to deal with everything better. I hate switching meds...for weeks it just sucks. They say "be patient", which is all well and good, but deadlines don't stop just because my brain won't work. :-( Everything is blahville.

posted in Depression - 5 replies

bringchange2mind.org

2009-10-28T21:44:40Z

Have you guys heard about this? Glen Close, the actor, is spearheading a movement to remove the stigma from mental illness (good luck!). Anyhow, it's because her sister has bipolar,

Check it out. I think there's some good stuff there. I would, of course, caution anyone about "outing" themselves just because they say you should, That is a VERY personal decision, and one that should not be made lightly or without considering the MANY ramifications.

www.bringchange2mind.org

posted in Depression - 1 reply

strange trun maybe.

2009-10-28T17:08:03Z

Ok, I just finished filling out an online application for a job as a first aid instructor. Any one who knows my back ground might wonder about this. But the job was recommend to me by my job developer. It is with the same mental health severs that does all of my care and job severs. They are looking for someone who is in the community since it is working with mental health clients. And they have training.
Now come the part were I wait and try not to think about it.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 3 replies

Strength..

2009-10-25T22:31:46Z

I know at times it can feel like we are utterly powerless. Yet that isn't my topic. I wanted to talk about strength. Yes strength.
Today for example (whatever day you've read this.) You have managed to make it to a computer, and read this note. That is
a tiny thing, but it is one worth remembering.

Each tiny thing you manage is worth celebrating. It isn't something to take for granted. Not when the black weight of depression clings to your heart and mind and tries to pin you to the floor and suffocate you.

Remember the tiny things if you can. Yay I got up, yay I showered, yay I read something on the computer, yay I had coffee (if you did.) Whatever you manage try and remember those, put them together in a chain, even if at some point you have to crawl back to bed, recover a little. It is NOT a negative thing, as long as you've tried. Tomorrow, try a little more. This is the fight we must fight. As best we can. In little steps.

You are stronger than you think, to have made it this far. To have sought help and discussion for your illness. I'm not in anyway thinking that is tiny. I talked to my counselor at one point and asked her about the fact she mentioned she gave "homework." Yet she didn't ever give me any. The discussion was that I tried to do the things she'd have asked, on my own, that I didn't just curl up and wait for things to change--I took steps to make change. So too have you, if you read this. That attempt to seek change, to get support? It may seem "tiny" but it isn't really it is HUGE! So celebrate that too. Each time we do try, great or small, we've won a little bit against the darkness that embraces us all, keep doing what you can. Remember, these victories.

posted in Depression - 3 replies

Everytime..

2009-10-25T09:09:24Z

.Everytime I promise myself I won't lose touch, I won't stop going to Tribe, I lose track of time. I stay VERY busy these days, I've got so much to get done.

Anyway, hello to those I know, I'm still alive.

Hello to new people, I've been here before but might not know you.

I'm trying to stay connected, but its difficult, my free time, is spent, so I don't get a lot of time to dwell on anything, which is actually pretty positive, for me.

posted in Depression - 6 replies

An Advantage from Depression?

2009-10-25T09:07:30Z

Depression's Evolutionary Roots
from Scientific American, 08/25/09

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions-evolutionary

posted in Depression - 26 replies

Here we go again!!!

2009-10-24T16:24:45Z

God! Even looking for part time work sends me into a depression. They asked me Momentum if I felt I was ready to go back to work. I could honistly answer them "yes". If they had asked me if I were ready to go back to looking for work I'm not so sure what my answer would have been.
Well I've done some writing, got my meds straigned out, got myself on facebook. So it's not like I've got nothing done. It's funny but one good thing about looking for work is that I get lots of things done while I'm putting off looking.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 3 replies

New week, same old headaches oct 19-27

2009-10-23T17:46:48Z

My back's better (finally);
but my teeth are hurting again,
so I'm still popping advil like pez...
inspite of my chiro telling me it's a good way to kill my liver...

my depression has lessened somewhat
some stuff starting to "go right"....

What's up in your universe?

posted in Depression - 7 replies

I'm sad- all the time.

2009-10-17T09:52:06Z

I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel so sad. I have this persistent sadness hanging over me like a dark cloud, and everything I do only provides a momentary respite. I don't think my sadness is unusual. There is a lot of reason for me to be sad. My dad died last year. My mom died when I was 16. I was physically abused by my brother while I was growing up. Now, I am living all by myself in a foreign country away from all my relatives and friends. I've problem getting new friends because 1) I have really low self esteem 2) I'm in a constant state of fear/anxiety 3) I feel like people here are so different from me: It is hard for me to understand them, and for them to understand me.I feel extremely lonely and sad most of the time, and although I've never actively thought of suicide, sometimes I feel like I wouldn't care if I die tomorrow. Life just seems so long, so hard, so tiring, so pointless. I'm running negative on motivation. What is the point of doing anything if I don't love my life. I used to think that if I do certain things I would be happier, but now that I've done those things, I'm still not happy, which is making me question if I will ever be happy. I started taking anti-depressants but they aren't really working. What will meds do if you cannot change the situation that is causing the sadness anyways? I'm really tired, physically, emotionally, in every way. Thanks for listening

posted in Depression - 18 replies

A new week: Watch your head! check-in Oct 3-9

2009-10-09T13:26:11Z

I'm afraid to go outside
I think I saw some small buildings flying around.
It's windy out there!
Poor widdle me don' standa chance!

My dad's senile and insane.
Such fun to deal with.

How's things in YOUR neigbhorhood?
Won't you be my neigbhor??

posted in Depression - 10 replies

I don' wanna & You can't makeme! -Check in Sep14-20

2009-10-04T09:50:37Z

Kicking and screaming or
go with the flow?

posted in Depression - 23 replies

House in lockdown

2009-10-03T16:11:36Z

Just saw the house season premeire...
2 hours and he's "out"...
I kinda wished they drew it out a little more..

did you see it?
What did you think?

posted in Depression - 4 replies

Anti-Oppression

2009-09-30T13:42:14Z

http://www.racialequitytools.org/resourcefiles/young.pdf

So I have been studying Social Work at UVic these days, and IT BLOWS MY MIND! This particular faculty (I don't think it is like all SW programs) focuses on oppression in society and how things like oppression in our society often end up as pathology rather than a recognition of an over-arching societal problem of oppression that is a direct result of our capitalist and individualistic models and theories about humans.

On one level, these classes are very challenging, making me face statistical data which directly talks of myself, my family and the problems we have faced. I am a statistic. We talk to the abuse we face as people with mental illness and the childlike rhetoric we face as people begin to treat us as incapable (in many more ways than we consider ourselves to be) because of our illnesses. This triggers my anxiety, my PTSD and the rumination of my depression which I have been (for once in my life capable of) shelving in the interests of intellectual pursuits (with the knowledge I am going to have this come back to me... I finally have a counselor in Vancouver since I moved at the Batter Women's Shelter next week)

On another level there is such deep relief, a feeling I'd like to scream to the hills about this clearer picture of my own location in the world. It makes me understand that half of the struggles I face, I do not face them alone. My challenges are challenges of not fitting a mode of thought which perpetuates success. I am not an alien in a free society, but this society does not allow freedom the way it pretends it does....

This article in part explains some of what I am talking about, and I know much of society won't agree with the conclusions I am coming to. That is ok, and in fact is normal - my voice has been marginalized all my life and I still don't wish to subscribe to the dogmatic ideals. The way our society plays is not fair or honest so therefore it is not a just society. We are not equal, and I accept that as a women with mental illness and different ideas about the world I will not command the respect that a man in a corporation does. I will one day be heard, as I will form a chorus of voices... maybe you guys can join me, maybe you can disagree (hopefully with respect and dignity ) either way, I am beginning to feel free....

Hail to this tribe, who for some time has practiced anti-oppressive theory without even knowing it.
Thank you all for helping me reach this point. :)

posted in Depression - 1 reply

Mental Floss

2009-09-27T15:06:36Z

http://www.mentalfloss.com/

Awesome!

posted in Depression - 0 replies

a joke i thot you'all might get

2009-09-25T22:50:43Z

2 men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking.... and then through the floor and into the Earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.
(look directly at the person you are telling the joke to)
They're not that close.

http://www.buffyworld.com/angel/transcripts/105_tran.html

posted in Depression - 10 replies

A miracle! Check in: Sept 21-28

2009-09-25T07:54:50Z

Tribe's back up!
For REAL!
Not just appears to be back up!

I'm issuing ultamatums to all the annoyances
in my life !

and you?

posted in Depression - 5 replies

Tattoos(possible trigger: SI)

2009-09-23T07:20:21Z

I just got my first tattoo and it's so awesome! For anyone who has a leaning toward SI'ing, getting a tatt is a great way to go! It doesn't really hurt, it just feels kinda good, of you have any kind of a pain thing. It does the trick without leaving any ugly marks, and there's no sense that you've done something bad afterwards. What's more, you get a thing of beauty forever!

I got a red rose on my left, inner forearm to cover up some scars. It really works; I don't have to hide my arm, anymore! I'd love to hear other people's experiences.

posted in Depression - 15 replies

Check in: Week of Sept 7-13

2009-09-21T04:01:24Z

Big plans?
(for world domination, of course)
....

posted in Depression - 22 replies

QAADIR

2009-09-08T03:49:32Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tU4fB9nUgc&feature=channel - Did I just Get Rejected From McDonalds?

I've been watching this dragqueens videos for the past hour and laughing my ass off. I have been so very depressed all day. Pretty much the whole weekend. This persons videos have totally cheered me up and I thought I'd share. If it's not your cup of tea that's fine. Hopefully she / he will put some more smiles on more faces. : )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5LPCuzR818&feature=channel - Honey Can You Please Speak English?

posted in Depression - 0 replies

coping?...i guess?

2009-09-06T00:35:36Z

I can't think in coherent sentances. To muster up anything making remotely any sense is taking all the energy i have left. I'm trying all the coping i know of and its just not working anymore... i've gone back to isolating myself and i'm back in a place where death is my every thought..just want to note i'm not taking action on any thoughts, i don't have enough energy to think let alone do anything else.

I have been trying to escape for nearly a full year from just this dip (had many before, not this bad though)

What do you do when nothing you can have access to can be your life preserver?

posted in Depression - 7 replies

Here we go again - week of Aug31-Sep6

2009-09-04T22:51:39Z

I have several pipe bombs at the ready;
the only question is how to
place them without getting caught !

What's going on in your trailer??

(Hey! it's only monday!
I'm a day early!)

posted in Depression - 19 replies

confused in a whirl of drama

2009-09-02T02:29:17Z

Ok. My sister comes to live with me in one week. I am truly looking forward to this, she is well loved by me.
My father had brought her to a psychiatrist to have her evaluated. Now, the psychiatrist has told them both that they are bipolar. The problem is, they never met with her alone, and this assessment was made over a very short period of time. My sister says my father did most of the talking, and the psychiatrist didn't really talk to her. Because my father was in the room, she wasn't able to mention that the reason she stayed up a week straight that time was because of illicit drug use (which the research shows is a confound with bipolar). This man is diagnosing her with a serious illness for someone he's barely met!

For my father, I would believe it. It would explain much of the abuse. His actions have been deplorable, and he continuously influences her counselors, and persistently cons them into breaking confidentiality. This means my sister can't trust anyone (except me) to talk to. My dad obviously slanders me, and never takes it on himself.

The good news is, because of this diagnosis, maybe he can get treatment now.
The bad news is, he stopped his antidepressants on his own & is now very out of wack.

So my sister is escaping the abuse to come to me but is completely under my fathers thumb for the next week, except his mood swings are now off the chart & my sisters and his wife are worried about what he is going to do.
I told her to arrange a safe way out of the house if it gets to emergency levels.

I know a few of you have been diagnosed with bipolar, can anyone explain what the process of diagnosing it is? The research on the internet is mixed up and inconsistent. It's also inconsistent with what I have studied.

I am going to get a second opinion when she gets here, as well as get her counseling at the battered woman's shelter...

I am happy that this is coming to a head, but I'm terrified because it's coming to a head. The situation could blow at any minute. terrified. uhg. It sucks being afraid for loved ones safety and not being capable of doing anything about it (until she is here safe, anyway).

my god life is complicated.

posted in Depression - 5 replies

another check-in

2009-08-27T05:29:15Z

haven't been out of the hotel for a few days and when i do go out i keep to myself. happier that way for now. feel ok. have good books and videos and the internet. not bored. not anxious.

posted in Depression - 16 replies

Prepare Yourself Warrior: Check in Week of Aug3-9

2009-08-19T20:40:55Z

Big plans?
Anything fun happening?
Anything challenging happening?

Ready to take the tank out of the garage and go on a rampage??

posted in Depression - 40 replies

sometimes

2009-08-19T02:07:39Z

Sometimes reading about what other depression people are doing makes me feel better, I'm not alone
Sometimes it make me feel worst, The whole world is a depressing place.
I never seem to know which it's going to be before hand.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 6 replies

new week new check-in

2009-08-18T03:16:39Z

so yes i've been isolating. i'm not (don't feel) a part of anything. kinda numb, wanna sleep all day.
no internet at home so i came to the library to use it, at least i got out of the hotel.

posted in Depression - 11 replies

WOW Tribe's BACK! Check in week of 17-23

2009-08-18T00:37:49Z

Busy or crashed for three days,
but we're BACK!

Hopes, insecurities, plans...
manifestos.... ;)

posted in Depression - 2 replies

Check-in: week of Aug 10-16

2009-08-14T20:31:01Z

I'm actually doing pretty well right now, which scares me. I'm afraid I'll get used to it just in time for my world to fall apart again.

posted in Depression - 2 replies

I'm Back....!!!! Scottylarue

2009-08-14T18:05:07Z

well what a journey the last week. It started with me sleeping almost 24 hours then waking up with left side numb... Every time I tried to speak I kept on biting my tongue... Every thing had gone off the charts 240/190 bp, heart rate 110 bpm, blood sugar almost 500!!!! PVC's like crazy and of course Tri-gmts' and Bi-gmt's (messed up heart beats)...

Two days ago they decided to put a stint in my Carotid Artery on my right side... They do this without sedation, numbing only the groin.... I had to hold on to a couple of rubber balls that I had to squeeze as the Doctor was digging in the Artery... I had to move my neck and head as he asked to help him guide the tools through to my neck... I am allergic to the dye they use so I sent into shock, Anaphylactic shock, couldn't breath then I went blank... Suddenly I was awake again and I realized I had I had dropped the ball in my left had... I said out loud I dropped the ball and I heard from the Anesthetist "Yes you really did, Your heart stopped and before we could "Paddle you" it started back up again."

So now I am home, with almost complete recovery... Just a little numbness on the left side, and a very sore and swollen neck... Yes you do feel them going from the groin to the neck... Not for the squeamish....

I do still get very tired and then the symptoms come back a bit more.... So I am going to post this on a couple of my Tribes, later I will talk more if asked... I have been feeling very good for almost a year so maybe I will get a good turn out of this....

posted in Depression - 5 replies

Self-Help can be no help

2009-08-14T01:51:33Z

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2009/jul/15/self-help-positive-thinking

This article articulates something that I have been trying to express (without luck) for some time.

I believe that whatever we practice in our day to day lives is automatically what will be what is improved. Juggling shows me this easily, but it's as simple as 'practicing brushing your teeth' or making the best choices when eating. I think of all life's little choices as where improvement lies, and that the focus on improvement itself is a perpetual cycle of angst. None of us will ever be perfect, enlightened or more than human and we are derogatory (as a society) towards any animalistic tendencies that we have. We are animals, and the only thing that is wrong with that fact is that we (as a proverbial society) cannot accept it.

Think about it, the perfectionist drive is from something (not perfect) to something (perfection) and in many ways it can be a minuet thing (I wish I didn't bite my nails & I feel ashamed of my hands) but it represents a larger concept. Animals have this too, as in, it's really natural when people or animals are overstimulated or unstimulated. (eg. http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/skinpicking.html) I would like to go from being a compulsive nail-biter to having nice 'respectable' hands (even something like nail biting effects if you are employable). In my mind, I am displaying an animals natural reaction to stress, but in a larger framework of society it's viewed as something 'wrong with me'. What is 'wrong with me' is that I am stressed, and 'acting like an animal' (displaying a behavior which seems out of control). Yet, everyone is fucking stressed and we all act like animals! We (as a society - esp in school the 'idealized world') won't accept ourselves as animals, we reject this and go towards 'civilized' behaviour as our ultimate goal. Rationality is our societies basis for perfection (since science took over), or some religions have a moral perfection, and neither of these perfection includes accepting the animal part of ourselves as real, necessary or worthy of paying attention to.

Self improvement is a focus on an idealized perfection of the self, which often disregards the need to accept oneself as we are with our imperfections and animal traits. It's a never ending cycle & to continue it as a pattern leads one into a life of berating oneself for every imperfection or missed social cue. The key is focusing on the what we value (community, wisdom, thoughtfulness) and focusing on the practice of these values in our day to day lives.

Now, only if I could follow my own philosophy!

When truth is nothing but the truth, it's unnatural, it's an abstraction that resembles nothing in the real world. In nature there are always so many other irrelevant things mixed up with the essential truth.- Aldous Huxley

posted in Depression - 9 replies

Sending Some Love

2009-08-08T16:42:31Z

this is a message passed on to me by another tribe friend of Scotty's It's from his wife Carol..

"Scott had a stroke yesterday and is still hospitalized..They did some big tests today and are very concerned about the blockages in his carotid arteries, especially the right side..They will perform an ultra sound tomorrow to determine if surgery to clear the blockage is an emergency..The stroke yesterday affected the left side of his body, maybe it was an early warning, but he is weak and has numbness in his face..
he has asked that I let his tribe friends know.. If I get an address ...for him..to send a card..I will let you all know.. "

Hugs and healing to you Scotty.

posted in Depression - 2 replies

Inspirational Songs

2009-08-07T03:41:40Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw - Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush - Don't Give Up

posted in Depression - 2 replies

The UltraMind Solution

2009-08-07T01:29:56Z

http://www.ultramind.com/

posted in Depression - 12 replies

Bruce Lipton

2009-08-05T05:39:29Z

http://www.infiniteunknown.net/2008/08/17/bruce-lipton-the-new-biology-where-mind-and-matter-meet/

Leslie posted this on the 2012 tribe. I just bought this book three days ago and am waiting for it in the mail. Totally synchronistic.

http://www.amazon.com/Biology-Belief-Unleashing-Consciousness-Miracles/dp/1401923119/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249450368&sr=1-1 - The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, & Miracles

posted in Depression - 0 replies

Jill Bolte Taylor

2009-08-05T02:09:09Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU - How it feels to have a stroke

http://www.amazon.com/My-Stroke-Insight-Scientists-Personal/dp/0452295548/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249438057&sr=1-1

I think this lady and this video is great!!!

posted in Depression - 0 replies

Neville Goddard

2009-08-02T23:32:53Z

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neville_Goddard

http://www.nevillelecturehall.com/main.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWwxzg0hkNY - Rearrange The Mind - 1 of 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgCigICGq9k&feature=related - 2 of 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fl-K3ITMgI&feature=related - 3 of 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H94O-tA4hkU&feature=related - 4 of 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq2qGdAcnb0&feature=related 5 of 5

posted in Depression - 0 replies

Jumping in: Check in week: of July 28-Aug4

2009-08-02T00:34:37Z

posted in Depression - 16 replies

Check In: Week of July 05-12 '09

2009-07-27T01:54:52Z

So, how is everyone?

posted in Depression - 17 replies

Another Week? Good Lord. Check in: week July 20-27

2009-07-21T20:45:11Z

Anything fun happening?
Anything to look foreward to?
or Squeek by?

posted in Depression - 1 reply

A Therapy Group for Gay and Bisexual Men (Oakland/EB)

2009-07-21T16:50:24Z

(from Craigslist)

The Living Arts Counseling Center Presents:

A Therapy Group for Gay and Bisexual Men - Healing and Transformation Through Connection

Mondays, August 24th – December 7th 2009
6.30pm - 9pm
Living Arts Counseling Center, 4000 Broadway, Oakland
$30 per session : Must commit to entire series

This group will provide gay and bisexual men with a safe and supportive environment in which to challenge personal limitations and explore new ways of being in relation to others. In the process, participants will gain the opportunity to develop more meaningful, expressive and empowered lives. Therapeutic approaches will include talk therapy and creative methods such as drama, movement, art and story telling.

About the facilitator: Ben Rivers, an Australian therapist and social worker, has practiced for 10 years with clients diverse in age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and socio-economic status. He is a Masters Candidate in the Counseling Psychology and Dramatherapy program at the California Institute of Integral Studies. Ben Rivers is a Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee, supervised by ArmandVolkas, MFT, RDT/BCT, MFC#28789. Read more about Ben Rivers at: benriverstherapy.com

For information and registration, please call (510) 595 5500, ext. 19 or email benjrivers@gmail.com

posted in Depression - 0 replies

It's me

2009-07-21T03:23:49Z

A lot of you probably don't recognise me, I haven't been here in forever. Just came to say I'm still around, struggling (which is why I've been isolating), but around. If you want my email address k but I don't go to any sites anymore basically because they all ban me or tell me that I'm too lazy to get help. To those of you who do recognise me.....hello....and I hope all is going well for everyone.

posted in Depression - 14 replies

Moot Point: Check in : week of july 13-19 '09

2009-07-20T18:45:37Z

how DID this week go?
;)

posted in Depression - 5 replies

isolating

2009-07-17T21:54:09Z

The less I have to say, the more I isolate
The more I isolate the less I have to say.
I keep repeating the prosset,
but I willn't go away!

Patrick

posted in Depression - 1 reply

Patrick...Paging Patrick

2009-07-17T21:52:15Z

Just wondering how things are going. Let us know, eh?

posted in Depression - 3 replies

ect

2009-07-14T17:00:18Z

sooooo....

my last visit with the shrink, he strongly suggested ect, as there's no treatments options left, and nothing i've tried within the last 3 years has helped.

i am completely against it and completely afraid of it, although i am struggling to be open-minded about it.... but images of frothy-mouthed, convulsing patients strapped to their beds are the only thing that come to mind when i think of it.

does anyone have anything to share about ect? i need whatever info you can give me.

thank you-

posted in Depression - 21 replies

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy

2009-07-12T02:31:31Z

Anyone have any experience with this or know anything about it?

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/emdr_therapy.htm

posted in Depression - 9 replies

Check-In: week of June 14

2009-07-08T21:25:43Z

Okay, so, it isn't quite the week of June 14. But, I can't exactly start a check-in for the week of June 7 on the last day of the week.

I know I'm something of a plantom here. I don't post for a long time, and then I swoop in and respond to everything at once. Too often, coming online is just more than I can cope with.

So, here's me: I'm struggling, but keep going in spite of it. It's got to get better sometime, right?

posted in Depression - 24 replies

I talk to myself

2009-06-25T18:26:56Z

I talk to myself and that is just a fact of life. If I watch myself every second I can keep it down. But let my mind wonder, or getting thinking about something else, and I talk to myself. Even when there is people nearby. You wouldn't think that this would be a crime, but it is, one of the worst crime a human can comment. It will get you mark as unstable (what ever that means). I've lost job, housing, friends, and even relationship because of it. The lost of these things make my depression worst, which loses me whatever I had left.
Of course I could explain this to someone, anyone I suppose, but I can't explain it to everyone. I only takes one person to say, "That guy give me the creeps, and bamb, you out of a job or housing, or whatever. Today it's even cost me the right to volunteer. Of course that say something like, "we just don't think you fit in." Not "I look like you might be crazy"!
Sometimes I hear people working around children say, just let them be themselves. Let me tell you just how bad of an idea this is. From personal expirees I can tell you the world punish people from more for being different than it does for anything having to do with right or wrong.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 7 replies

Do I deserve it?

2009-06-24T04:20:48Z

I'm sorry if my thinking seems disjointed or if I'm overposting or anything. I feel very depressed, up and down lately. I have been lied to and misled by someone, and I truly did believe in them. I am usually good at knowing when people lie but this was different, maybe he believed what he said at the time but was just so inconsistent. Deep down I wonder if I deserve this. He looks down on me for being "delusional", which really means believing what he told me. Apparently I was supposed to know better. Better than what, to trust someone? Why is that such a terrible personality trait? I do NOT want to live my life in cynicism, trusting no one. That is not a life worth living to me. But trusting has gotten me into this spot. Is that wrong, or is the world just kind of...wrong??

posted in Depression - 8 replies

I just need to get it out.

2009-06-22T09:10:50Z

Hey guys. I know that really, I need therapy, but I'm between undergrad and grad schools, completely swamped by bills and there is absolutely no way to get to therapy right now. Thank god my psychiatrist at school gave me meds to last the summer. But I'm not doing well today. This guy I love, well he's pretty crazy too, and we don't even have a relationship except online but I swear it's a rollercoaster...can feel so amazing and can get me suicidal too. He is evasive (I am pretty sure he has Borderline Personality disorder) and it makes me paranoid...and he overreacts, and I overreact, and then it's so terrible. And he moved far away, and I know that doesn't matter because we didn't see each other in person, but he's going to move on probably and I hate that. I know I should not give him this much power. Probably in a Freudian way I'm trying to get dad's approval that never happened...barf.
Do you think you can be soulmates with someone you can never be with? We want none of the same things. He can't directly talk to me. It's never going to happen, whatever we like to say in our romantic moments. Right now I just feel like totally giving up. Sometimes the reason I don't is just because my financial debt would fall on other people, and I know that's so unfair. I tried to kill myself once, I wanted to be with my mom, but all that happened is I ended up with MORE debt for hospital bills.
I'm so lost right now. I hope this doesn't make anyone else more depressed!!! That isn't what I want. I just needed someone to understand without calling me pathetic, and acting like I can just let this guy go by flipping a magic switch. When I think about him not caring anymore, it makes things seem not worth it. I know I have a purpose here, but if I am this disillusioned about something I REALLY believed in, do I really believe I can make a difference like I thought I could? Maybe going to grad school will lead to nothing satisfying.
I don't know. I'm just rambling this here because I don't want to do anything drastic. My dad does not understand, and my best friend is a therapist and SO understanding, but she listens to me talk about him ALL THE TIME, the up and down drama crap, and I just don't know how much of that one can take.

posted in Depression - 19 replies

Amitriptyline

2009-06-16T18:45:02Z

Been w/o a psychiatrist for well over a year, been off Effexor about a year. Could feel depression returning, but finding a psychiatrist who takes Medi-Cal is like trying to find the needle in the haystack. My GP just put me back on Amitriptyline. I was on it several years ago and don't recall any negative side effects, don't recall why I stopped. Anybody got anything to say about this stuff? Does it also go by another name? Thanks.

posted in Depression - 10 replies

Check in: Week of June 1, 2009

2009-06-13T21:15:44Z

Well, peeps, how bees it?

I'm doing better but not great. Anyone else?

posted in Depression - 11 replies

Vitamin D and Mental Health

2009-06-13T21:10:51Z

A friend sent me this link which might be worth a look.

http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/06/the-vitamin-d-epidemic.html?source=NEWSLETTER&ppc=70074&utm_campaign=PeaceofMind&utm_source=NL&utm_medium=newsletter

This particular site is oriented toward people with a particular belief system (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc.) and not a particular religion (though I suspect it leans more toward Christianity). Check it out, but note this disclaimer if you are anti-religion.

posted in Depression - 1 reply

letting go

2009-06-13T20:56:50Z

I am curious on what you're thoughts are on the advice "letting go". I understand things that are in the past can't be changed, but I have a difficult time understanding and practicing this advice. One person specifically stated that it refers to the anger one feels about a circumstance that happened. The term letting go particularly refers to releasing anger. I am curious to other interpretations, however, the message board we were speaking about it on in my opinion is not a safe space to speak. This is why I bring this question to you intelligent folks, I feel safe here (thank you for that).

Part of my depression is about repressing anger, and turning it against myself. I am fairly clear headed these days, so I can see this clearly and can cope more effectively with my "Dr. Jekel" who is the part of my brain that blames myself. I have developed a more full view of the circumstances in my life that lead to my depression, feminism has particularly helped me.

In my particular situation, the past, the thing that mostly upsets my in my life (my abusive father) continues to be an active part of my life. I remain attach to the situation in protection of my younger siblings, and due to financial reasons (which I have been slowing correcting and may be unattached soon).

The problem lies in the fact that every time he does something controlling, towards me OR towards my younger siblings, I get confused and angry again, rehashing the whole series of complicated scenarios in which the abuse occurred. This is what abusers goals are, of course... The full scope of the abusive relationships with my entire family that this man holds can be overwhelming, and I am only now coming to terms with the fact that it was abuse at all.

My final diagnosis with my doctor wasn't depression after a year (although I definitely had depression) , but that I have a precursor of post traumatic stress disorder, due to the emotional abuse of my father. This was a surprise to me, because, like most people who are depressed, i believed it was my fault that I was depressed and angry my entire life, but I see clearer now that it was the emotional abuse that ripped my self esteem away.

Now I feel I have to separate the two ideas - the anger I feel and have control of (It takes up a good chunk of my thoughts during the day, I cope with this with juggling), and the actions of my father.

How can one let go of anger when it is currently happening?
What does it mean to have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in this situation, and how does it tie into letting go?
How do you practice letting go yourself?

I have a few practices that I do to let go of ruminating thoughts one is
- "I already made that decision"
and yesterday it was
- " forgiveness and compassion for myself for having this anger"
- "forgiveness and compassion to the hurting man my father is"

the first one aides my own self esteem (because I seem to feel anger is a character flaw) and the second, well it hasn't worked yet, but it stops me from ruminating IN the anger in the moment, which calms me down...

any thoughts, experiences, ideas?

posted in Depression - 19 replies

Haight Ashbury Psychological Services (San Francisco)

2009-06-10T23:14:41Z

Found on Craigslist...

Haight Ashbury Psychological Services (HAPS)
2166 Hayes Street, Suite 308 (near Cole and Shrader)
San Francisco, CA
(415) 221-4211

http://www.hapsclinic.org/

HAPS provides short term and long term therapy services to couples dealing with a wide range of problems. Some of the issues addressed are partner depression and anxiety, relationship difficulties, financial hardships, family concerns, family planning, infidelity, faulty communication, recovery from past abuse, and life transitions such as school, career, and parenting.

While serving diverse populations, HAPS aims to tailor therapy to the couple, providing the best effective treatment catered to each partnership. HAPS utilizes a variety of perspectives and techniques to support couples in reaching and maintaining a healthy level of functioning.

The fee is based on a sliding scale, guided by the couple’s income, starting at $20 per session.

Services are provided by masters and doctoral levels interns who are supervised by licensed professionals.

*** If you and/or your significant other have questions or are interested in setting up an intake appointment, please call to HAPS at (415) 221-4211. All inquiries and appointments are confidential. ***

Please note that we do not provide services for medication, substance abuse or court-mandated treatment.

Directions: We are located east of the entrance to Golden Gate Park,
and on the block directly east of St. Mary's Hospital. Bus 21 stops right outside the building.

posted in Depression - 3 replies

FREE Peer Counseling Services in Berkeley

2009-06-10T02:28:29Z

Another possibility...

The Peer Counseling Collective has been providing client-centered counseling to the public for free since 1970. Our approach is humanistic, which stresses a positive view of human beings; counselors listen and help client’s make sense of their experience.

Drop-in sessions for individuals and couples are available Monday through Thursday from 6:45pm-9pm. Clients interested in scheduling ongoing appointments can come to drop-in sessions until they find a counselor they're comfortable working with. Clients may also contact the PCC via email or telephone to schedule an appointment.

PCC counselors come from a variety of cultural, gender, and sexual identities, but they have in common a commitment to providing a compassionate, confidential, and nonjudgmental counseling relationship to adults regardless of economic need.

Peer Counseling Services
Berkeley Free Clinic
2339 Durant Ave., Berkeley
510.548.2744
freepeercounseling@gmail.com
freepeercounseling.org

posted in Depression - 0 replies

Is it just me??

2009-06-09T04:55:25Z

I was listening to some of my old songs and there was this line "One by one, they turn from me. I guess my friends could fast the cold."
Do you feel that way too. Like sometime your depression is a dark huge iceberg and even one you know sooner or later has too ether runs away from, or gets crushed by it. You hate being alone, but there is nothing you can really do about it. And maybe it for the best anyway, that way you're the only one getting hurt by it.

Patrick

posted in Depression - 5 replies

On Being an Oddity...er, Rarity

2009-06-06T03:33:22Z

This is from my blog. Thought I'd share because I want everyone to know how cool I think Susan Boyle is!

Susan Boyle: Lost the Contest, Won the World

After quite a time of silence, I have been compelled to write on a person who has, quite frankly, impacted the world, simply by being who she is - and who she is is good enough.

Susan Boyle, the amazing-voiced singer from Scotland, noted worldwide for her lack of flash and called "dowdy" in the MSM (THE NERVE?!), epitomizes the dreams of all of us out there in the audience - you had a dream, Ms. Boyle, and you went for it! I can never praise highly enough your nerve, your confidence in your gift and your own, perfect style.

Shame on all of us for EVER judging someone's insides by their outsides. MORE shame on those who decide that Ms. Boyle isn't enough - not fancy enough, flashy enough, sexy enough. Susan Boyle is fine just as she is - she doesn't need you/us to decide that she should be anything other than what she is: the most perfect Susan Boyle. And actually, THAT'S what we're supposed to be - the best US we can be.

Does it matter that my butt is too big? That my my hair has split-ends? Holy smokes, people, we need to see what is and GLORY IN IT! We spend all of our time chasing after some vain ideal (think Britney Spears) and never take stock in what we have: OURSELVES. If we are everything we can be (think Captain Sully), we can do anything. If we sell ourselves out for the glitz, the hype - we create a curtain behind which is a not-so-powerful "wizard" that can't do much of anything, but he can put on a hellova show.

Think about it. Here's to you, Ms. Boyle, for standing for who you are without an apology. We thank you for reminding us that it's ok to be ourselves, and to do the best we can with what we have - if everyone did that, we'd have Susan Boyles and Captain Sullys on every corner.

And what a wonderful world that would be!!

Again, Ms. Boyle, Britain may have Diversity, but the WORLD has YOU!

posted in Depression - 4 replies

Depression's topics - tribe.net

Happy Noo Yeers

Halloween for Christmas

Happy Holidays! Check In for Deco20-28

Really wanting to hurt myself

Accupuncture 4 Depression

Gone for to long!

Check-in Deco 13-20

Feeling Sad and Lonely Today...

Shoulding on myself

Not doing well

Dealin' w/the dark, dealin' w/the cold?

On Gratitude

Bipolar beloved

Deco5-Deco12 Check In

Dating Depression - An Update

Check in for Nov29-Deco6

Effexor

Alternative methods:

Dangerous neighborhood

I want to live

causes for "affective disorders"

*SIGH*. Check in for Nov 21-28

Hangin' in: Check in for Nov13-20

pain

Check in for Nov 8-16

Triggers

face book working Damn it!

Need Moral SUpport.

Motivation

mixed state hell

The Legacy of Shame

Embarrassed About Depression... and other random nonsence

Mixed state maybe?

The "depression help" tribe

Buspar

Was disappointed to wake up today.

New Week /New Check in. Nov1-8

Article about "Failing Well"

Happy Halloween Everyone

Not again

New week Old challenges? Check in Oct 10-18

Is it Peace or is it Prozac?

Making it through the week

bringchange2mind.org

strange trun maybe.

Strength..

Everytime..

An Advantage from Depression?

Here we go again!!!

New week, same old headaches oct 19-27

I'm sad- all the time.

A new week: Watch your head! check-in Oct 3-9

I don' wanna & You can't makeme! -Check in Sep14-20

House in lockdown

Anti-Oppression

Mental Floss

a joke i thot you'all might get

A miracle! Check in: Sept 21-28

Tattoos(possible trigger: SI)

Check in: Week of Sept 7-13

QAADIR

coping?...i guess?

Here we go again - week of Aug31-Sep6

confused in a whirl of drama

another check-in

Prepare Yourself Warrior: Check in Week of Aug3-9

sometimes

new week new check-in

*WOW* Tribe's BACK! Check in week of 17-23

Check-in: week of Aug 10-16

I'm Back....!!!! Scottylarue

Self-Help can be no help

Sending Some Love

Inspirational Songs

The UltraMind Solution

Bruce Lipton

Jill Bolte Taylor

Neville Goddard

Jumping in: Check in week: of July 28-Aug4

SIGH. Check in for Nov 21-28

WOW Tribe's BACK! Check in week of 17-23