It's true we can't change the past (the situation that causes the sadness). But it is possible to modify our reaction to the feelings those past situations bring up.
I know. I was molested by my mother and physically abused by her and one of my brothers until I left home. My father passed when I was 15 and Mom died 5 years ago (despite/because of the abuse I was very attached to her).
Grieving takes a long time. I grieved the loss of my father, my childhood at the hands of my abusers and my mother's passing.
Grieving over my lost childhood is on going since it still affects the way I see the world (not safe) and my relations with others (difficult to trust people).
I hope you won't think me selfish in talking of myself. I don't believe in wagging my finger at others and telling them what I think they should do. I only can relate my own experiences where I think they may be relevant.
Part of changing my reaction to these depressing past stimuli is accepting the fact that yes, these terrible things happened and yes, they still affect me. Along with this i find it necessary to almost constantly remind myself that I am not a bad person for having these feelings. I am HUMAN and have experienced loss and trauma. I'd be a freak if I didn't have these feelings.
These few thoughts/attitudes go a long way in helping me to cope with my feelings and life.
Reminding myself there are people in the world who DO give a damn about what happens to me also helps.
I care about you that's why I am taking the time to relate all this,
Many people on this tribe feel the same way.

So much of such great value has already been
said; it will be hard to improve on !
I tend to get a little preachy, which I will try to minimize
in this post, but it's part of how I associate - not by telling other
people what to do so much, but by telling what's worked for me -

My first response area is regarding meds - you have not mentioned
how long you have been trying meds; but I know from my experience
that meds can be a wonderful aid...but finding the right meds can
be a hard and lengthy journey...but it can and will get better if you stick with it.
It took over a year for my doc and I to find the right meds for me; and that
was a difficult year, mostly dealing with the horrible affects of the ones that
did'nt work.
Counseling with someone who you truly "jive" with is important -
you can have a great counselor, but if things don't flow with them,
then the process will not be as effective. I know there are people
with your backgorund who are counselors, because I had one.
unfortunately, she is still just an intern, but I'm sure there are others, and
Berkeley is a great place to find one.

I've felt like an alien for the entirety of my life - I can't speak to cultural stuff;
your experience is unique to who you are; but know that you have the power
to change this.
When I was younger, I literally expected a UFO to land one day and take me back to
the planet I came from, because I sure as hell did'nt come from this planet.
There are many (lengthy) reasons for my feelings, and I won't bore you with
that menuscia - but I will say that even I was able to make friends; although
difficult, I'm sure you can too. The bay area is a great place to experience
people with your background - I don't know of specific events, but I do know there are
plenty for you to explore. It may not be a miracle; but I believe such contact
would help minimize the isolation and depression you feel.

I was extremely close to my mother, but without the difficult abuse issues
my mother died just as we were reforming our relationship after
the usual and necessary teenage issues. I don't talk about my mother's death
because for a variety of reasons I'll never be able to deal with it.
Death is very difficult to deal with, and can be made worse by issues
that may have existed with your relationship with them.
Counseling may be able to help here, ... or not.
At some point, you *WILL* be better able to deal with things and find a way to
live in spite of the difficulties.
I feel similar to you, in that I doubt I will ever experience "happiness" perse..
but I do believe that eventually, I will be able to get back to a place of
more peace and satisfaction with my life, and I continue, sometimes
with great difficulty, towards those ends. I have a history of suicidal behavior,
but I've made progress on that front, and continue to strive to make things
better. With meds and counsel, my depression is less and more
manageable than before, and I deeply believe in these things
that they can help most people, even if they don't feel that they can.
It may take some time and effort, but I would suggest finding something that
you're good at or really like to do, because it can help you temper the level
of depression that you experience. I know also, from my experience
that music can be a very powerful thing to combat depression.

I have issues with every remaining member of my blood relatives,
which is why I don't associate with them much. I once stayed
attached to these people, and "played my part" (the part
they expected / forced me to play) but with counseling, have
come pretty close to severing my contact with these people.
They will never treat me properly, they will never have a healthy
view of me. You may need to do something similar to
regain some of your mental health. It's a difficult process
and takes letting go of some things, but in the end you'll
likely feel and be healthier and feel less controlled and depressed.

For myself, I found that challenging myself was a way to de-affirm
the kinds of messages I received as a kid and continuing into
adulthood. For example, I rode a bicycle from San Rafael
to San Diego, completely by myself ...no support system,
no backup, noone to call if I screwed it up / had an accident.
I (stupidly) did'nt even plan the route I was going to take.
Not only did I succed beyond my imagination, but I accelled
and thrived. I got hopelessly lost on several occasions, but
found my way and perservered. If what I had been told
all my life were true, doing such a thing - especially by myself
would be unthinkable...simply too much of a screwup to complete such a task.
It seems like I must repeatedly do such things, because it's a message
I'm not able to maintain despite several clear successes.
Set yourself challenges and then succeed, and you'll have a harder time
believing that you are what they say you are.
Not only did my dad, but also most of my teachers, and school
administrators constantly tell me I was worthless and that all
the abuse I faced was my fault, most of my school mates told me
I was weird and a screwup too - very very difficult for a small child to fight
against THAT much negativity and abuse - but I always got good grades
and started questioning just who was telling me these awful things about myself.
Logic helped (they call it "cognitive therapy" now.. It's difficult, but
you *CAN* either by yourself with self-help books, and / or with counsel
begin to deconstruct and analyize the negative messages and self-talk
you have. What's important to realize is that the people who gave you all these
awful messages are sick people, and their abuse of you is *NOT*
a true and valid comment on YOUR value, but truly a comment on THEIR
poor mental health. You CAN and *WILL* realize this, and slowly
the chains that bind *WILL* begin to break. You may always have
some chains that bind you, but it's entirely and completely possible
-even probable - that many of the chains that hold you *CAN* be broken.

In closing; if you need support, there's always cake and ice cream...
and then there's US !
:)

1) I have really low self-esteem too,
but I've created a somewhat effective "intellectual" self-image
(if I figure out a good way to make friends, I'll let you know
just before I publish it and make a zillion dollars)

2) Anxiety MAJORLY affects my life, but counsel and meds have made a HUGE
dent on that.

3) I STILL feel like an alien; I just don't let it get me down anymore.

Ron brought up some good points;
I'll share some of mine: Going to a cozy home-style resaraunt at least once a week
(make it a special day, JUST to take care of yourself)
(in your case, find somewhere that connects you to your culture might be good)
GOING TO MOVIES (or renting)
They get you out of your head for 2 hours - a 2 hour break from your problems can
be a HUGE help !
Write in a journal / diary
draw / sing / dance / read - something that either gets you out of
your head for awhile, eases your burden, or makes you feel good
for a little while - EVERY little bit helps.