Rachel - he just moved you from Effexor to Celexa...in a FEW DAYS? I'm no shrink, but having come off Effexor by myself, that's pretty tough. If you don't mind my asking was Effexor helping? I found it to be QUITE helpful, and am now on a metabolite of Effexor called Pristiq and it's extremely helpful. The best thing I have ever taken. It has really helped my mental clarity and memory - or at least restored some of it!

I had to come off Effexor b/c I don't have insurance. The amazing thing about my shrink (after 16 years together) is that she is now seeing me pro bono and providing me with enough samples to keep me alive. Ok, so I DID put at least one of her kids through college in the better years (!), but still. One freakin' amazing woman. Anyhow, I was very careful about coming off Eff because that's what it felt like to even miss one dose: F (Eff!). You may be feeling the results of coming off that drug. While it saved my life - hell, gave me a NEW one, I experienced EXTREME irritation once off of it, so it's the withdrawal from the drug that's got you on edge, I'll bet. Try to ride it out. Take vitamins and make sure you are eating and sleeping properly. In other words, give yourself a break, girl! You have shloads on your plate and are managing to not have anything to fall off. Right now, it's like you are at a buffet, your plate loaded up, and you have to get back to your seat without anything falling off - oh, and did I mention that you have to walk through shark infested waters to get there? And they are HUNGRY little buggers...

You're doing great. But it's ok to have days where you hate everything and everyone - I think that's called life/PMS/fill in the blank. I'm not minimizing your experience by any stretch, just saying that you can and will get through this. You are SO STRONG. Shut up, yes you are? How do I know? Because anyone who has gotten to this tribe IS strong. Even turning on the computer is a victory some days. Revel in that. Win the Nobel Prize by curing cancer tomorrow. Today YOU are the most important, k?

Aw, that was a really sweet post! Thank you so much! Actually, I guess I wasn't clear...they took 2 weeks to wean me off of the Effexor, but I have only been completely off of it for a few days, and on the full dose of Celexa for a week. So no more Eff (F indeed!) and the Celexa hasn't fully kicked in. I know what you mean about coming off of it - I took it first years ago, and had to stop taking it cold turkey (from 150mg) because I was between school and a job with no insurance. I couldn't afford to go to the doctor and get a lower dose, and as you know you can't cut those in half. It was horrible. My mom was also in the ICU at that time, so basically I constantly wanted to drive my car into oncoming traffic for a couple weeks. Very scary experience. That said, I really do like Effexor when I'm on it, but I don't have insurance either, and it's $200 a month for the generic, whereas Celexa generic is $4 at Walmart. Since grad school loans factor in NOTHING for health care in their budgeting, this is a key difference!

Your doctor sounds AWESOME. You must be old friends, having put her kid through school? Do you mean financially or were you a teacher? Anyway, I'm really glad you can get the samples. Depression sucks enough without the compounding factor of meds costing an arm and a leg. Not to open up a political can of worms, but this is why I'm for public health care...and also why I want to be a policy analyst. I promise someday I'll try to better mental health policy for all of us! "Try" being the key word. :-p We all deserve it.

P.S. I really loved your buffet analogy! That describes it perfectly. :-)

So many days like that I wouldn't even try to count them. If anyone out there as a really good way out, I like to know as much as Rachel. That being said, I should also say for whatever it's worth, "You are not alone!"

Patrick

I sometimes try to think of a dragon...can you really fight the dragon, and is that even a smart idea? There's no way to win, you will just die needlessly, in 10 seconds. Instead I keep trying to make friends with it...if it's on MY side, maybe it can protect and help me, instead of kill me.

That analogy might not make sense to anyone else, but it helps me. I'm not saying give up and be depressed; just that sometimes the struggle to feel what you're not feeling is more exhausting than accepting and working with what you've got.

I usually don't remember my dreams. I'm not sure if this a good or bad thing...if they were good, I'm sure it would be lovely, but like you said it would just make it harder to get up. I don't know why other people seem to be able to remember them...something about my lack of visual memory, I think.

Ooh, good ideas. Thanks. I should really start addressing it that way, as a separate person...because, really, it kind of is. I know that I am not the person it tells me I am. I should give it my dad's voice, maybe. Then I can see it's a sad broken record that has no substance.

thanks :-)

I also find sometime it just best to try to get my mind on something altogether different. A good book or video, and old one if I can't find a new one.

Patrick