Oh bundt, I don't know how many of us will recognize ourselves in your last post (second on this thread) but I sure do, and I suspect many others do as well. OMG, you made me laugh with the last line - not at you but in recognition of myself. We can talk anybody up, see the good and beautiful in everyone else, but when it comes to our own selves, bupkus (I think that's how you spell it - anyone?).

Every single one of us here can see the smallest piece of good in others, but are totally blind to our own awesomeness. You ARE a great guy, bundt, and I don't know why someone hasn't snapped you up yet, except that most people are totally surface - you are smart as hell, tall, dark and handsome (I can personally attest to this) but you're quiet. You aren't out breakdancing in the middle of the street drawing attention to yourself. Personally, I find that attractive but most women need the flash and the cash. I was lucky enough to look beneath what I saw with my husband and to see the wonderful keeper he is (someone remind me of this the next time I'm pissed at him). A lot of women have this ideal man in their head - a man who doesn't exist. They will go from man to man and never find the right one. They might find someone with whom they have outstanding sex, but unless they become friends, forget it. And men? You know y'all are worse. If she doesn't shake her butt just right (or whatever) you don't look beneath the surface. bundt, I'm trying to be encouraging and say that someone is out there, just rare. I don't know why my relationship works with my husband - he's very different from me - but it does. And the first time he asked me out, I told him to pound salt. I had to take a chance.

Now you, Heather, everything that bundt said in his FIRST post is true. You ARE awesome. You ARE beautiful (make me sick, you do, you're so gorgeous). You don't have to settle for some schlub that doesn't appreciate you. It's better to be alone. Don't let this drip make you miss the opportunity for someone marvelous. But expand your horizons - date someone short or older or younger or bald or fat - do something different. Perhaps the pools you've been fishing aren't the ones you really need to fish.

I used to date people who looked great on paper, but were idiots in real life. I dated this one guy who had two advanced degrees, one in engineering from Stanford, and he was a total freak (and NOT in a good way). The guy I married was a mechanic, married before, had kids, etc. TOTALLY NOT what I wanted "on paper" but nine years later, we're still married and still nuts about each other - or perhaps just nuts!

This is meant to encourage you. Hang in there. Hang out here. We're always open, but you have to get your own coffee!

D.

> awesome, thanks so much, bundt!! your outside perspective really helped alot today. :)

Good, and that makes me feel better. Positive spiral, yay!

> btw, have a great time at the music festival!!!

Thanks, I sure will! Once I get over the anxiety and all, that is.