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how to stop crying?

topic posted Sat, September 2, 2006 - 9:32 AM by  Poopy
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I have been on a crying jag for a couple of days. I really hate it because i find it really hard to control and it antagonises my boyfriend..i really like to think it is mostly due to hormones..(even though i am not pre-menstrual)...but i guess i do have some issues that i am trying to deal with..and i hate what my mental state is doing to the one person who always has to be around me..
I try to stop it and supress it and all this stuff, but it keeps coming back..

I have had spells like this since I was young..
one theory is that a a head injury i had as a child left me with a mooshy brain..and that makes me more sensitive and prone to emotional problems...like these seemingly uncontrollable crying jags...I have had attacks like this for as long as i can remember.

it has nothing to do with my surroundings or who I am with...i recently relocated to New Orleans from houston..2 months ago...houston is a big sprawling stink pit...i am so fortunate to have escaped after having lived there my whole life....New Orleans is one of the bestest places in the world, flood or no flood....i came here to be with someone i am very much in love with...

Sometimes i will go through spells like this after I have recently made major transitions...like i just did...i have had a few of these spells off and on ever since coming here..i just don't want them to ruin my chance here and ruin my relationship...sometimes I have issues relating to loneliness and homesickness..but nothing bad enough to make me want to go back to Houston, and even if I WAnted to go back to houston (which I don't) there would be no place/life for me there (beyond living with my parents)..and finding some crap-ass job...
I am mad at myself for making a big change in my life and more-or less leaving everything behind but my stupid lifelong plague of emotional problems....

Anyway...I just need to figure out some helpful techniques for snapping out of it..or supressing these dumb crying spells before they start...it is very important..these dumb things have plaged me long enough...there is nothing more obnoxious than crying at work..or crying just because someone talks to you....(problems i have had in the past...)
posted by:
Poopy
Houston
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  • Re: how to stop crying?

    Sat, September 2, 2006 - 10:28 AM
    I am very emotional and sometimes cry when talking to someone, usually at work. Sometimes I make them cry when I cry. Sometimes I will be sitting at my desk and whether it's just thoughts or certain music or whatever sometimes I will just start crying. If someone walks up they usually think I'm really stoned. If they ask what's wrong I usually just tell them "I'm having a moment." Usually there isn't much I can do to stop. Just time. Time will heal all wounds. That may or may not be true. But I have found that if I feel like crying I just do it and let it all out and don't give a damn when or where it is or what anyone thinks. Tears are a good thing. They assure us that we actually do feel. That we are truly alive. My tears assure me I'm not a conformist consumer robot cog like so many plastic people in society seem to have become. Celebrate your tears & they will lturn into tears of joy.
    Has anyone ever enjoyed making love with someone so much you both cry together in the midst of the act? It can be strange but an amazing release at the same time. : ) Sorry that didnt really have anything to do with your question but just thought I'd toss it out there as long as we are talking about crying. I've never actually talked to anyone about this before really.
  • Re: how to stop crying?

    Sat, September 2, 2006 - 11:45 AM
    If you cry a lot, there's a reason. If it's happened your whole life and you don't know why, that doesn't somehow make it less important. Have you talked to a doctor about it? If you think you may have a hormone imbalance, or some other chemical imbalance, you can get that checked out medically. If those things are ruled out, talk with a therapist. There is a reason for this. And, it probably isn't simply going to go away unless you uncover what it is and take care of it.

    Now, about this boyfriend. I know that it's very common for men to be uncomfortable with weakness. They're generally useless when we're sick, for example, because the "weakness" of being sick is just really uncomfortable for them. So, we can't really judge by feminine standards, I guess, in terms of sympathy and compassion.

    BUT, you seem more concerned at irritating this boyfriend with your tears than you are with finding out why you cry. One of THE most typical traits of co-dependency is putting the other person's feelings first, often to the exclusion of our own. That is exactly what you are doing. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him what might make it easier for him to cope with this. Maybe if you give him concrete things he can do to help, that might make it easier for him. Often, men just want to "fix" the problem. He can't fix this. Maybe that's where the annoyance comes from. Talk it through with him. But, remember, YOU are the one who's suffering here.
  • Re: how to stop crying?

    Sat, September 2, 2006 - 12:38 PM
    Stress build-up. Most likely related to change (even good stuff). Find yourself a private spot and cry your guts out. Weep and wail...trying to hold it all in only makes it worse.

    I'm very sensitive, too. It's an major asset the majority of the time...a gift, really. It does have it's downside.

    Be proud of your ability to emote...;o)) It shouldn't be a source of shame.I bet you have alot of happy-happy in you too, right?
    • Re: how to stop crying?

      Sat, September 2, 2006 - 3:41 PM
      Oh, hon. I think that what you are reading as antagonizing your boyfriend is really his frustration at not knowing what to do to fix it. Men like to fix things. If you're crying, that means you are unhappy and that means he's not doing something to keep "the little woman" happy. Even if you are not in a traditional-type relationship, I think men are wired to feel this way. Women most often want someone to just shut up and listen to them. Men generally deal with problems through action - if a man tells a man about a problem, generally he's telling them because he wants the other guy to help him with it. And when it comes to women, that old protective thing comes in. When I am moaning and groaning to my husband (and not in a good way!), he will try to make helpful suggestions which generally piss me off (even thought he's trying to be a good guy) because he wants to fix it. I just want him to listen, and what does he know about my worklife anyway. Men. They can't win. (You DID read that memo, didn't you?)

      I heard once that crying expelled some chemical from our systems that was beneficial to us. Has anyone else ever heard that? I am hard-pressed to remember where I heard that, etc. but it struck me at the time as being a very viable explanation.

      And don't completely dismiss hormones. I hate those little buggers (at this time in my life). I'm sure they serve a purpose, but sheesh!

      Let us know how you're doing, ok?

      D.
      • Re: how to stop crying?

        Sat, September 2, 2006 - 4:02 PM
        <<I heard once that crying expelled some chemical from our systems that was beneficial to us. Has anyone else ever heard that?

        Tears remove chemicals related to stress...they have also been connected to endorphin's

        <<<Careful biochemical analysis showed for the first time that
        tears contain the neurotransmitters leucine-enkephalin
        and prolactin, chemical messengers that enable brain cells
        to communicate with themselves and with other body organs.

        "We really don't know what these neurotransmitters are
        doing in tears but finding them is exciting because these
        chemicals are related to emotional stress and pain relief,:
        said Frey who is also director of the psychiatric research
        laboratory at the St. Paul Ramsey Hospital.

        Leucine-enkephalin is one of the brain's natural opiates
        associated with pain relief while prolactin is released
        from the pituitary gland in response to stress. In women,
        prolactin is also related to breast feeding.
        • Re: how to stop crying?

          Sat, September 2, 2006 - 5:18 PM
          Surv I'm amazed at your broad based generalizations of men!
          Anyway!
          There are people in this world that are considered to be "empaths". This is a natural thing. Some of these people are so sensitive that they cry alot wheher there are tears or not. Some that feel so deeply they cry whether inside or outwardly / noticably, with tears, their entire lives. This is not something that can be treated or even attempted to be treated. It's something that should be embraced & used to learn more as well as teach others & help them see & feel that which they may not without a little help. Some see these people as angelic. Maybe you are depressed. Maybe you do need help. But I think it's good to look at all possibilities and be open minded when it comes to looking at something this important. Maybe youre a sensitive empath that doesnt realize it. An angel named Poopy. : )
          • Re: how to stop crying?

            Sat, September 2, 2006 - 6:21 PM
            Hey Marvin,

            Before you jump on Surv, it was ME who made the "generalizations about men." I know what I said is not true of all men, but, Marvin, honestly, in my life experience (nearly 50 years) it's what I have seen and experienced. No, not the totality of the male psyche by any means, but certainly the stereotypical response. Perhaps it's a generational thing, I don't know, but in my experience, men (and certainly a bevy of women as well) want to FIX things rather than sit passively. In my experience, men tend to be uncomfortable with passivity. I'm not saying that men are schlumps, by the way (whatever the hell a schlump is), but that they have a different way of being in the world than women do.
            • Re: how to stop crying?

              Sat, September 2, 2006 - 7:24 PM
              Now, about this boyfriend. I know that it's very common for men to be uncomfortable with weakness. They're generally useless when we're sick, for example, because the "weakness" of being sick is just really uncomfortable for them. So, we can't really judge by feminine standards, I guess, in terms of sympathy and compassion. <--------This is what Surv said that I was remarking on. I understand what you guys are saying. But from a typical mans point of view, and I bet there are women that feel the same way, alot of times passivity is a solution in and of itself. It is not un-caring, uncompasionate, or any other negative adjective neccessarily. It's just how it is. Alot of times I find myself in a whirlwind of chaotic "problems" & while other people are freaking out and throwing a friggin hissy fit, talking about how their going to work things out, etc..... I just yawn & laugh to myself because I know the answers can be calmly & rationally dealt with and 90% of the time, the mere passage of time, solves most of lifes problems. It's just a way of looking at & dealing with things. This is also a means of self preservation. STRESS KILLS!!! Overreacting to everything all the time is a sign of immaturity & a lack of wisdom. If someone wants to talk, I'm all ears. I'm there for you. But if it never ends? If it is the way someone is the majority of the time? I'm movin on. Why be with someone if they work your nerves? With certain people I say as little as possible if anything to them. Being a "low drama" type isnt just something I tell people I am. It really is how I am. When men seem like the "Don't wanna hear it." most probably they don't! Life is too hard, work is too hard, etc.....our personal lives shouldnt be as hard or difficult as all the other stuff. It should be our sanctuary. When we are at home it should be a blissful place filled with joy and laughter & music. If nothing else, a place that if we are living with someone else we can at least smile together in silence. Alot of times the world is so noisey we need to be quiet. Just be. Call it meditation, getting your head together, trying to not go crazy, whatever.
            • Re: how to stop crying?

              Sat, September 2, 2006 - 7:39 PM
              Poopy,le,,,some scary doll ,i had to check some of your 4- or 500 + pix and didn't get any further than that one(#1?)If you need to laugh cjeck out "Straightjacket",the movie,they have some clips on Your Tube(Joan Crawford)

              As far as crying,you're uncomfortable?I was in therapy for years because i couldn't.And it does help if you can believe me,speaking of my own experience,there's nothing more a stress reliever than cry.Not talking about constant and for ever but if the situation is not unreasonable (well these days it's amazing the world hasn't flooded yet)why be ashamed of it?
              It's an emotion and emotions can be uncomfortable to witness so if your boyfriend is having "problems"with it,do you know he is and why?Explain to him why you're doing it,he may be able to tell you why he doesn;t like it.I think there's a big chance you both perceive each others reaction different than it is.
          • Re: how to stop crying?

            Sat, September 2, 2006 - 9:52 PM
            i have to agree with Marvin as far as the empaths side of it. i pick up on everyones emotions and by 3 ocklock at work i am wiped out! seriously. i feel drained. somedays are emotional, some days my coworker(s) is/are crying others they are screaming at each other. i try to keep it together for them cause most of the time i am the one that (seems) stable and grounded. then i go home and sleep til i have to get up and go to the gym or class. its amazing.

            crying is cool. i used to do it all the time when my boys were going through rough times at school. although i have to say, i would hate it when i would get a direct call through the back line to my extension cause i could almost 99% of the time KNOW it was about one of my kids getting into some type of trouble and i would just close my door and break down, pull myself together and go on in life, i had to.

            its ok to cry and get the emotions out or we will collapse eventually.

            dreamer
  • Re: how to stop crying?

    Tue, September 5, 2006 - 7:09 AM
    Poopy, we should go have a beer at Molly's sometime, and then you can cry / laugh it all out as much as you want to. I have the same fears with my emotions and relationships, too.

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