I know it's a hard thing to talk about or listen to so I'll understand if it's not okay here.
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 8:34 AMsure...im here, ill listen to you...why so low?...ive been there...two attemps on my list,two hospitalizations....not nice...u alright friend?...im here and i understand....depressed people think about stuff like that, and its alright...just not the act itself...hugs... -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 10:57 AMHi Struggling, yes, it's okay to talk about this kind of thing here. We have spoken of it in the past, and touch on it from time to time.
If you can't talk about it here, where can you talk about it? You may also PM me any time.
I hate that you are feeling so much pain.
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 12:00 PMThis is the depression tribe, and suicide is the way most of us are pushed a great deal of the time. In fact we need to talk about it, hopfuly to find a way beon and above it.
2nd I realy hope there are no taboo subject on this tribe, thought we do strive not to accacted one other.
Patrick -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 12:01 PMOf course I'm only speaking for myself and what I understand (hope?) depression tribe to be.
Patrick -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 12:16 PMPatrick, you're correct: there are no taboo topics here. We can discuss anything, but we don't have a one-size fits all mentality. Everyone can do what they need to do to hang in there - we just don't attack people, as you said.
Also, we do appreciate it if you are going to talk about something that may be triggering for you or others if you'd put a little note at the top of the post, such as: Caution: the following may be triggering.
We're about support and encouragement, not judgment and put downs.
Emergency and hotline numbers are available in the tribe's description. If you are planning to do it, please call for professional help. We're good, but can't do what professionals can...
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 12:01 PMThe thing is if you're making plans--please contact immediate help. I know its hard. Believe me, I have been there more times than I can count, so I understand how hard it is.
But I'm here now, to talk to if you need too. Just message me, or write here when you can. If you do need immediate help, call a hot-line, or local support group/psych doctor./ Because they can be there for you quicker than I can (or anyone here..)
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 1:33 PMWell, you know you're in trouble when it seems like the most logical thing to do. Lately, it feels like everything I touch turns to ashes. My business has pretty much failed due to my own inertia, and I can't find a job, herniated a disc in my back, so now how do I even look for a job? Running out of money and feel like a loser/failure. -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 4:52 PMOh Struggling! I really understand what you are saying. Are you seeing a mental health professional? Is that a possibility? Can you find a low or no-cost clinic near you?
Be careful of the stories you tell yourself abou stuff: that it's because you aren't worth anything, EITTTS Syndrome (also known as the "Everything I touch turns to shit" syndrome or E.I. Triple T. S.), that you are cosmically destined to fail, etc. How do I know you think these things? Because we all have, at one time or another. These are the lies that depression tells. You can't trust your feelings right now because they aren't accurate. Oh, the feelings like disappointment, discouragement, sure, but not the ones that say "You're a loser." Try to find out whose voice those accusations are in - it might help. When I realized that it was my mother's voice, I could discount them a lot easier because she never knew who the hell I was and didn't live long enough to find out (she died when I was 22).
PM me with what you do for a living, and I will see if I can hook you up. I have a good resource depending on where you are located.
Meanwhile, you aren't alone, we DO care about you, and you are now part of us. We have all been where you are and some of us are there now. We DO understand.
Hang in there. -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 5:39 PMhey here...how u doing...ive got a feeling that i know who u are...i cannot help you with finding work, but i can express how ifeel about suicide and how to deal...never how to overcome..
ive been there...ive lived in an apartment wondering and being sickly because of fearing being overdue with rent and not eating coz of no money...i still dont even have a bank account, but ive survived...and still am struggling and fearing and hurting and inevitably seeking some kind of a death, whether it be too much sleep or lack of it and drunken stupidity....i work at nine, and its 2.29pm here and im quite drunk..ok very, and typing slowly, but i know how u feel and i wish i could hug you or send u money...even a bit...send me a personal message and allow me to try, even as a lousy chick allowed the blessing of work and prayer....stay in touch and hold on...soldier on, even when u dont feel strong, k?..............i HEAR U...and i FEEL...so much so that it pisses me off, but i want to help.Just let me know how. Trust someone. dont just read. A llow help and realise its there instead of being alone.
Someones willing. Ask Me...Ask...I can. And I will.... maybe not U.S. Dollars, but the conversion may be a little bit, enough.....hugs...GOd Bless..
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 7:09 PMWow, you guys are amazing. It almost feels weird having someone say It's okay to talk about it. That's been so taboo for so long. I'm a little reluctant to list the particulars because I would like to preserve some anonymity but I have faced some pretty horrific stuff over the last five years in addition to being a survivor. I think anyone would be overwhelmed by the challenges I've faced and right now it feels futile to persevere. I guess I'm looking at being homeless in the next few months, doing couch time and I just feel like I can't take any more.
I did find a therapist where I was living but it was very rugged and I've had to go stay with friends because of my back, that therapist wasn't comfortable doing phone therapy so now I'm back to zero on that, not knowing how long I will be here (another month or two?) or where I will live after this, I'm not sure what to do therapy wise though it's obvious I need help I have no money to pay, I'm living on borrowed money already.
So yeah I'm feeling very defeatist, why bother? So, I need small steps I guess but it does feel amazing to be able to talk about it at all. I hope anyone who does recognize me from the info I share will respect my need for privacy. -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Mon, July 7, 2008 - 12:17 PMwww.nytimes.com/2008/07/06...cide-t.html
Pages 5 & 6 of this article may be helpful, since it interviews a suicide survivor.
Glad you are venting your fears and frustration. This is a very wonderful, supportive, humorous group of people here to listen. -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 11:37 AMAlly - all your links are dead.
I found a tribe called suicidology, thinking it would be good to chat about this stuff. I can't find meaning in life and so continuously go back to "why live" my motto these days is "just waiting to die" and "god help me if I have to live a long life" I always find that it's not something that is free to speak of - and I always get something like "you should be grateful!" and I think its bullshit... Just like "all you need is love" and every other simplified cliche that is repeated over and over...
I am appreciative of a place to actually write this without the 'eye roll'... thanks. -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 12:39 PMDawn, I remember going to my brother and his wife because I had to ask them for money (this was 10+ years ago), and asked for a small sum that I have more than paid back. Anyhow, I had told them about all my bills and that I needed money because I had to pay for medication and therapy/shrink bills out of pocket. I can't remember which one of them said it, but one of them said the dreaded "What do YOU have to be depressed about?" I think I am going to make a list and carry it with me so that the next time some numbnuts asshole asks that I'll just hand it to them. Talk about invalidating. (Note: they just don't get it. They aren't particularly deep people, but they are good people and I love them.) -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 2:48 PMyeah... My life ain't bad, I know this, but it doesn't make me stop crying all the time...
Why is it that people want to invalidate people who already feel like invalids? uhg. Society is so weird. -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 5:29 PMWell, Dawn, I think that if people invalidate us in that way, it is to distance themselves from their own burgeoning truths. If depression happens to "them" it doesn't happen to you.
Back in 1977, when my sister was murdered, it was a very clear that I had become one of "them." Back then, only "they" had family members that were murdered (still true, actually, there are just - sadly - more of us). Same reason most female majority juries will NOT convict a rapist - if it didn't happen to YOU, it can't happen to ME.
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 5:55 PMWow! Heavy stuff. It's weird how when really bad things happen to you, people lose respect for you. I do remember the book "Blaming the Victim" and I've read many discussions regarding blaming rape victims similar to what you describe. It is a relief to find people you can be real with, say "Yes, this happened to me and it knocked me down."
Darla, how could anyone say you have nothing to be depressed about when they know that about you?
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 8:02 PM"it was a very clear that I had become one of "them."
My older Brother was murdered also in 1964... People didn't know how to handle that anymore than a moody teenager that wanted to be alone most of the time either.... -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 10:57 PMWhoa, Scotty, I am SO sorry. It's a loss one never gets over...no matter how many years pass.
I knew we were kindred spirits, just didn't know we were THAT close...
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 5:57 PM"yeah... My life ain't bad, I know this, but it doesn't make me stop crying all the time..."
No way, I don't buy it. If you're crying all the time and waiting for life to be over, something isn't right, something needs to change.
"Why is it that people want to invalidate people who already feel like invalids? uhg. Society is so weird."
Maybe, they want us to stay invalid? -
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Tue, July 8, 2008 - 7:25 PMYah,
I hear ya Darla, it makes total sense, but also doesn't. I wish people were different sometimes... I do find it interesting as well that your brother wouldn't understand - but I never find family very understanding when it comes to these things. Its these actions that really make me dislike the world
Struggling, I agree and I don't. I don't know why we are supposed to want to live, I have wanted to die since I was 12, and it has not wavered... I don't understand why it's "wrong" to want to die, and I change more than a chameleon. *shrugs*
I hope they don't want (consciously or unconsciously) us to stay invalids. I'd prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt rather than be that cynical. (although I don't feel "they" would be so kind)
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 10, 2008 - 3:09 PM> I don't understand why it's "wrong" to want to die, and I change more than a chameleon.
I don't think it's wrong to want to die. I just think it's wrong to cut your own life short. The feeling is perfectly valid. The action is what's wrong (to me).
Me, I made a vow when I was 13 never to let that feeling impel me to do it. Boy, some vows are hard to keep, I tell ya. Many, many times, I've wanted to break that vow.
What keeps me from doing it? Well, mostly it's the knowledge that there will be experiences I want to have, that death will prevent me from having. Every time I've been way down that pit, thinking how useless and pointless is my life, how others would be better off without me, after the feelings pass, I have a good experience. A laugh, a song or band I get way into, a person I get to know (or get to know better), a sunset that makes my heart leap. Something comes along, and I can hear god saying, "see, you would have missed that."
After the selfish reason comes the unselfish. Who would be hurt by me ceasing to exist? I think about Mom and my sisters. Now I think about my 4 year old nephew who wouldn't understand why Unka Mike isn't coming around anymore. I think about my friends, even though sometimes they are part of the reason I feel so alone.
Also, I don't believe that death would necessarily bring relief from the burdens that cause me such torture.
The last reason I have for keeping my vow is that I believe that we are here to experience life in all it's myriad forms, with all it's ups and all it's downs. Not each of us experiencing all, but all of us experiencing some, experiencing the part that we chose to deal with before we were born. I was supposed to experience the torture of depression as much as I was supposed to experience the joy of my friends. My unique perspective is vital, as is everyone else's. Each of you, though sometimes I disagree with you, is important. It is not important that I find contentment, or that I set aside retirement funds, or that I have a spouse and 2.5 kids and a house in the burbs. It is important that I experience my life however that may work itself out.
And I really hope those of you who are dealing with this can find the strength to stay with us. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.
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Re: So...is it okay to talk about feeling suicidal or is that taboo?
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 5:43 PMDear Struggling,
Mama D is right! You ARE worth good things. You ARE!! There isn't a single one of us who hasn't felt at one time or another that we were lower than dung beetles.
It is the depression, Struggling. It is NOT you and the miracle of who YOU are. It's the disease.
You don't have to feel like you're going through this alone. Reach out. We're here. Mama D. is here. And please call an emergency hotline. There is no shame in needing to talk to someone. Reaching out is a sign of STRENGTH.
Stay strong!
Leah -
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cognitive therapy..
Fri, July 4, 2008 - 2:51 AMHi all
"Cognitive Therapy Reduces Repeat Suicide Attempts by 50 Percent"
www.nimh.nih.gov/science-n...cent.shtml
www.4therapy.com/consumer/...50+Percent
Book: Choosing to Live: How to Defeat Suicide Through Congnitive Therapy by Thomas E. Ellis (Author) and Cory F. Newman
www.amazon.com/Choosing-L.../1572240563 -
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Re: cognitive therapy..
Thu, July 10, 2008 - 4:32 PMI remember sitting around playing cards on a break at work back in my Twenties... Some one had started talking about a news story we had just printed about a Man that killed himself. The Guys started to talk about how terrible it was to do that and how they just couldn't understand anyone doing such a thing... I in my naiveties I* said I think about it all the time... Well even with all the loud machinery running in the back ground you could here a pin drop... All the things you all have heard came out of the Crew like a low mummer building to a roar of what the F*** is the matter with you, that is so stupid and so on....
Later in quiet moments I was surprised at how many came up to me and said somewhere in their lives they to had thought about it... the only difference being it was a passing thought... Now almost 40 yrs later I still think about it almost every day and ironically they are all mostly dead....
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