Advertisement
I'm sorry if my thinking seems disjointed or if I'm overposting or anything. I feel very depressed, up and down lately. I have been lied to and misled by someone, and I truly did believe in them. I am usually good at knowing when people lie but this was different, maybe he believed what he said at the time but was just so inconsistent. Deep down I wonder if I deserve this. He looks down on me for being "delusional", which really means believing what he told me. Apparently I was supposed to know better. Better than what, to trust someone? Why is that such a terrible personality trait? I do NOT want to live my life in cynicism, trusting no one. That is not a life worth living to me. But trusting has gotten me into this spot. Is that wrong, or is the world just kind of...wrong??
posted by:
|
Virginia
|
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Sun, June 21, 2009 - 6:31 PMevery once in awhile I come across someone I can trust... and even love, who loves and trusts me back.
And that makes all the many, many times I've been burned by people who really didn't mean what they said to me worth it.
One monkey don't stop no show!
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Sun, June 21, 2009 - 7:10 PMEspecially over the past few years,
I've been burned, and burned, and burned.
I believe I developed a 'blind eye' or a less-than-useful
optimisim about people who I trusted far more than I should
have. My life got ALOT worse than it would have been
had I not allowed these conning idiots into my life the way I did.
I will probbably never trust as much again; so I've learned something.
I also consider what I've been trhu in the past few years,
and realize my brain was not in an optimal place, so I made poor choices,
that I might not have made if I was'nt under such stress.
I've learned something, but as has been said;
"one monkey won't stop the show".
I'll be more cautious and careful, but I'm still going to try
and trust those who seem worthy, even if it's more difficult.
There is a very real chance that the person who called YOU
delusional was delusional THEMSELVES - they deluded themsleves
into the lies that they told you, and are now trying to blame you for their
own behavior. Maybe you made a bad choice; maybe you were lied to;
maybe both. Try to learn and grow, and see when something is
toxic for you and that it may be time to remove that toxin from your
life. Some toxins are VERY addictive; and some your mind
paints vivid fantasies about (read:lies). Stopping toxins is not always
easy, but you'll be a better person in the long run for removing them from your life.
I've removed bad people and bad habits, and some bad foods from my life.
It was hell, and took many a month, and plenty of willpower, but I did it anyway.
PS: You are'nt overposting; you're going thru a rough patch and you're
exposing yourself to people who understand, for support.
That's a very healthy thing to do. Don't be so down on yourself ! -
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Mon, June 22, 2009 - 11:31 AMWhen I was in my depression group therapy, something they said really hit me. They told me that one thing you have to understand as someone with depression is that "Life isn't fair". The problem with believing life is fair is that if you believe it's fair, then all the terrible things that have happened in your life must have been deserved. Unfortunately, life isn't fair, however, this may be more fortunate for you to realize at this moment because no,
you don't deserve it.
NO ONE deserves to be lied to or insulted ('delusional' is an invalidation of all your thoughts and feelings - someone who you could trust wouldn't throw this around lightly.) This shows an immaturity on whomever you are dealing with to act like an adult in reaction to your behaviour.
As far as trusting someone goes, it's not as black and white as "I can trust all people" or "I can trust no one"... there is middle ground in which you can trust a few people, and you need to find out how you measure whether someone is trust worthy. Sometimes our best efforts to discern this will fail, it doesn't mean that there is no one to trust, just that the one person is not trust worthy & were able to get through our best defenses.
If you have decided this person is someone you can't trust, I would be extremely careful when speaking to them (in fact, I would almost choose to take a large amount of space if it was me, but that's your choice) as when depressed we are more vulnerable to attack.... and the world is not always friendly.
You don't deserve it. He deserves the blame for lying. You deserve non of the blame for his lies, although I can understand feeling foolish for falling for it. We are all fools at times though. We give someone the gift of trust, and they take it for granted and lie to us. He has betrayed you in that instant and it is his responsibility, not yours. The only thing you can change here is whether or not you give this person who betrayed you more gifts of trust...
I don't believe they deserve your trust. -
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Mon, June 22, 2009 - 2:13 PMDawn, excellent post! Wow, were you ever able to say all that clearly! Thank you.
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Mon, June 22, 2009 - 9:12 PMWow, Dawn!! beautifully written, insightfully said!
-
-
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Mon, June 22, 2009 - 1:25 PMDeserving or not deserving really doesn't have much to do with anything in life. The question is always, what can I do about it. Some times I can answer that one, and sometimes I can't.
Patrick
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Tue, June 23, 2009 - 8:19 AMThank you all! That really helped...and Dawn, you are right, that is black and white thinking! There are people I can and DO trust in my life...this one guy should not ruin that! -
-
Re: Do I deserve it?
Tue, June 23, 2009 - 9:20 PMYay, Anon! I'm so glad to hear you say that!
-
