1) No.

2) No.

3) I think you just did.

Just because you can't "feel" it doesn't mean that people don't care. I know I do, and I have told you so often, I think you're probably sick of hearing it from me!!!

*** im fine without meds anyway, but am upset that i keep allowing myself to get drunk and then upset people because of my negative reactions when under the influence of alcohol, like previous things ive said online ***

We luffs you here! You brighten my day whenever you pop up - I guess I should post it more often :D Poke me every once in awhile to remind me.

I have found that by keeping my computer in an inconvenient location, I can't turn it on when I'm drunk. Of course, if it's already on while I'm getting drunk... wellll...

Ally,

I know I'm relatively new to this group and you don't know me very well. Mama D will attest to the fact that I'm a wildly succulent woman with a penchant towards eccentricity. But please let me say a great big DITTO to Mama D's answers to your post -- NO, you're not so scarily different to be loved! NO, you don't chase people away! And your sweet apology is certainly accepted.

BTW, I just came back from a doctor's appointment and I've got a new script to increase my meds a little bit. Ironically, the primary care doc that I've had for the last 12 years just upped and relocated to another state, leaving both me and my husband in a lurch for a new doctor. We both take numerous meds for a variety of conditions that need to be refilled regularly. Thankfully I found one of my husband's former docs back on our insurance list so we're going back to him now. I don't "love" being on anti-depressants but they really, REALLY do help me and if I accidentally skip a dose, I truly feel it the next day. So for me, it's just something I absolutely have to take; along with all my other meds for various things.

Ally, you're not alone. Depression is such an insidious condition that threatens to rob us of even the simple joys in life. Even with my meds, some days are just plain harder than others. And thanks to Mama D, she has assured us that here on this tribe we have a safe place to be able to rant and scream and get it all out of our system if that's what we need to help us feel better. And please, PLEASE, do not equate our silence or lack of a responding post with not caring. Sometimes, it's just hard to know what to say or how to respond so that our words can be helpful and a healing balm. So know that we do care, even if we don't speak up right away. Lots of times I don't know what to say or how to say it. I'm a work in progress.

And right now I'd better go "find" my kitchen which is buried under clutter from yesterday that I was simply too tired to deal with. Plus, I have to start dinner...

I know it may seem like people don't care. Sometimes they don't. Often however that's the illness lying to our brains, telling us they don't, even though they really do. Try and kick the illness in the tail and say "I don't believe YOU.." rather than not believing in the people who've shown concern, compassion, and care.

I know what it is like to want to be loved--romantically, but *shrugs* sometimes you just need to be healthy enough, to choose it, not just let it happen by accident (accidents rarely last...sadly.)

Ally, you are not unlovable, as others here have expressed. I find that folks like us are too special to be able to settle for just anyone's love. Do you chase people away, sure. You chase away the people that are too stuck in their own tiny little worlds to understand how awesome you are. You wouldn't want them around anyway. They'd just drag you down.

> im fine without meds anyway, but am upset that i keep allowing myself to get drunk and then upset people because of my negative reactions when under the influence of alcohol, like previous things ive said online...and im sorry...

I've been without meds for a long time. I gave up alcohol when I started meds, and I've never really gotten back into it. I have an occasional drink, but haven't been drunk in long time (years). I do smoke way too much pot, and that bothers me. But I tend to say even less when stoned. I don't mean to preach (you can do as you feel necessary), but as a depressant, alcohol will enhance your depression.